I'm so adrift at work. I mean it. I'm just kinda here, but not really doing anything.

I miss my old supervisor. Not because she is my friend (that was actually fairly stressful) but because she made me feel appreciated at my job. I knew *someone* at this place had an inkling about the hard work and effort I was doing. Which, in turn, inspires me to keep trying.

Not so with my current supervisor. I'm all drifty and floaty now. I have no idea what his goals are for his team. He makes no effort to encourage me personally to improve. He doesn't seem to notice what I do. In turn, I care less about my work, and about doing my best.

Then, there's home life. Sigh. I need to feel appreciated somewhere. A few months ago, I went through my yearly evaluation at work, and my former supervisor told me how good I was, how I exceeded every expectation, how I was reliable, and how very impressed everyone was with me. I cried. Why? Because I so wish my husband would say that kind of thing to me.

So I'm beating my head against brick walls. I told my current supervisor twice that I need feedback. I need encouragement even if he thinks I'm doing well. I'm still not getting it. I did the same thing to my husband. Same thing on that front.

There are differences between needing people's approval in order to feel good about oneself. That's not what I'm seeking. I'm not sure how to classify it properly. There's a difference between being proud of one's accomplishments, and knowing others are proud of you too. I have the one, but not the other.

On the other hand, at least I have the one. :) If I wasn't capable of taking pride in myself, I'd be a lot worse off.

On a lighter note, I got a marvelous present in the mail today from Wen. I was bemoaning my lack of money with which to purchase the 30th Anniversary DAW Hardcovers on Julie's newsgroup. Today, I got a note from Wen to check my mail, and Greg brought in a box from Amazon! With both books! *bounce bounce* So very cool!