I want to edit my journal entries.

For example, I realized I give a bad impression in my first entry, when I spoke about how everyone is writing journals. It's just a whole bunch of my friends seem to have started a journal.

Then I started thinking. No one would actually know if I went back and changed things. Besides, wouldn't such a small change, to make the sentence sound more like what I meant be justified? After all, I'm talking to myself here. I know what I meant to say. I just said it wrong.

I do that in everything, actually. I sometimes feel as if I'm speaking, and people are hearing what I'm saying, and they don't quite understand everything. As if there's a layer they are missing. Or maybe it's a layer I am missing. I feel as if I don't have the right language, that I'm using the wrong words. It's as if English is a foreign language. Or maybe not.

I read a book by Kim Stanley Robinson called Green Mars. Partway through, the Geologist who has Red tendancies (leave Mars in as natural a state as possible) has an argument with someone in the Green faction (Terraformer). The Geologist can't seem to make the Terraformer understand her point of view, and she is reduced to repeating, "Mars, Mars, Mars," in a desperate hope he'll understand. I was struck by that passage, because that's how I feel all the time.

My Dad turned 60 this past week, and I couldn't be there. And because of my work hours, by the time I wake up, he's gone to work, so I didn't get a chance to talk to him yet. My family lives in New Jersey and I live in Massachussetts (which I hope I've spelled correctly), so I don't get to see them very often. I went looking into train fare and it's pretty cheap, so I'm hoping to get down there soon.

One of my best friends at BCI just found another job and put in his two weeks notice. I'm happy for him, although I'll miss him. 'Course, I haven't seen him at work in ages, thanks to our schedules.

Not too much else is happening. I'm just tinkering away at my web site, hanging out with friends when I can, and trying to make ends meet. My husband and I had a short talk about his working and we've reached a nice compromise, so that he doesn't have to work quite as much, and I'll still have money.

Oh, and I didn't edit anything. ;)