Fandom: Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon: Sailor Stars (anime)
Date Finished:
Classification: Romance, Humor, Angst
Pairing: Seiya/Yaten, references to past Fighter/Kakyuu, shades of Seiya/Usagi
Rating: NC-17

Give Unto Me
By Elsewhere
elsewherecw@shaw.ca

All other information in Part One.

Part Eleven: Hello

Glossary:
chikusho - damn
e? - huh?
eto - um
kuso - shit
maa - well

*****
Can't wash it all away
Can't wish it all away
Can't cry it all away
Can't scratch it all away
*****

Seiya stopped long enough to get himself relatively dried off and get some new, dry clothes before he finally ventured out on his mission. First he checked around the entire upstairs, periodically calling out the name of his target, but when he saw no sign at all of the tiny silvery-grey kitten, he sighed, feeling some trepidation as he contemplated going downstairs.

Yaten was down there, and Yaten wasn’t exactly the person Seiya wanted to face at the moment.

Come to think of it, Seiya didn’t exactly want to face Taiki at the moment either, since Yaten was more than likely to have explained at least enough of the situation to Taiki for it to be obvious that it was Seiya’s fault…if that hadn’t been obvious enough from watching Seiya scrabble around blindly in the bathtub.

Finally, cringing helplessly, Seiya steeled his resolve and made his way slowly down the stairs, peering around for any sign of his band mates or the little cat as he went. When he finally reached the bottom of the stairs, he stopped entirely short.

Taiki and Yaten were standing just inside the dining area, and Yaten’s small body was almost entirely dwarfed by Taiki’s height and comparative breadth as the two of them embraced tightly. Just as Seiya had expected, the moment Seiya arrived, Taiki lifted his head and shot Seiya an accusatory look that spoke volumes, and on some level Seiya winced automatically. But Seiya wasn’t really paying attention to Taiki. Because as Seiya let his eyes come to rest on Yaten, his eyes slowly traveling down the length of a slender, terrycloth-covered arm, lingering on the swell of a hip and falling to a pale, tiny foot against the tiles…Seiya realized that there had been a few changes since Yaten had left the bathroom.

Seiya watched, trying desperately to swallow, as Yaten slowly lifted her head and let out a soft puff of air against Taiki’s shoulder. Her eyes were closed and she didn’t seem inclined to open them.

"What is it?" she murmured, sounding somewhere between pouty and sleepy. She’d felt Taiki tense and lift his head, and she’d felt the brief pulse of irritation in his mind. She was distracted enough that she didn’t sense the third member of their tight-knit group, standing so close that normally she would have felt his feelings swelling into her…but she had closed herself off to him.

"Nothing," Taiki said quietly, gently rubbing Yaten’s back and watching as Seiya quickly turned and disappeared into the den, shutting the door behind himself. Yaten stiffened when she heard the click of the door, her eyes snapping open. If she had looked up, she might have been surprised to see the sad look that flickered across Taiki’s deep amethyst eyes in that moment as she let out the barest sound in the back of her throat, somewhere towards a whimper, pressing herself closer against him.

"I don’t want to see him," Yaten whispered, and Taiki nodded as he held her, stroking her back over and over again in the same pattern, trying to reassure her that he wouldn’t let her go if she didn’t want him to. He still wasn’t entirely sure how they’d gotten in this position. One moment he was reassuring the suddenly-female Yaten that he hadn’t meant any harm---"Honestly, I wasn’t staring at your…manhood," he’d said as delicately as he possibly could, to which Yaten had only raised her eyebrows and looked on the verge of kneeing him in the groin---and the next she’d launched herself into his arms and told him only that Seiya was being an ignorant jackass and bothering her, and why wouldn’t he *stop*?

"You don’t have to if you don’t want to," Taiki assured her, bending to brush a gentle kiss across her forehead. "But…Yaten, what has Seiya *done*? Did he hurt you?"

His voice rasped a bit on his last words, implying that if Seiya had done anything to hurt Yaten, there would certainly be consequences.

"Yes," Yaten said, in a small, breathy voice. Taiki’s arms tightened around her as he gritted his teeth and turned to stare in the direction Seiya had gone. Yaten looked up towards Taiki’s face, her big, bright eyes even larger than usual in her confusion. "He hurt me, but only by speaking truthfully. I…don’t understand what’s going on, Taiki."

Taiki’s face looked frozen in puzzlement for a moment before suddenly it cleared and his eyes swirled with a deep purple sorrow.

"Is that so?" he said slowly, and then he offered her a small smile. "Don’t you think you should ask him, then?"

Taiki may not have been an empath, but there was no way he could mistake the look in Yaten’s wide, bright emerald green eyes. She was frightened…more frightened than he’d seen her in a long time, not because she wasn’t afraid…they were all afraid, all the time. But because she was so good at hiding her emotions behind a mask of apathy…just like him…he hadn’t seen her display her fear so nakedly for so long…

Yaten opened her mouth to answer, but before she could do so, the door to the den opened and Seiya came out. Yaten froze, and she and Taiki watched in silence as Seiya sauntered down the hallway and right past them without giving them a glance. The whole time, he kept moving his eyes from side to side, seemingly sweeping the area around him, and he would occasionally say something softly, almost coaxingly---so softly that it took Taiki a moment to realize what he was saying.

They both watched as Seiya disappeared into a part of the living area they couldn’t easily see, now on his hands and knees peering under couches and chairs.

"Shi-chan, oh Shi-chan…c’mere Shi-chan!" They could still hear Seiya calling it in the same gentle voice.

Taiki chuckled softly, rubbing Yaten’s back.

"Are you all right?" he asked gently, and Yaten glanced up at him, peering curiously into his soft lavender eyes for a moment before she finally offered him a tiny smile in return and nodded.

"Yes…I think so," she said, sighing quietly and running a hand through her long silver hair. It was still extremely wet, but she was so tired…she couldn’t imagine the thought of holding up the blow dryer at this point. "Thank you, Taiki."

Taiki seemed to hesitate for a moment before he cupped a hand gently around her cheek.

"I love you, Yaten. You know that?" Taiki said quietly, the low rumble in his throat making it clear---almost as clear as the trickle of discomfort Yaten could feel by the contact of her mind with Taiki’s---that he wasn’t used to speaking about this type of thing.

"Yes…I know it," Yaten said with a nod and another small smile, leaning in for another quick hug. "Me too, Taiki."

Taiki was blushing slightly when Yaten backed away, but he quickly became serious when he saw Seiya approaching them.

Seiya couldn’t have made his discomfort any more obvious if he’d tried. He was even shuffling his feet as he walked, and, Taiki noted immediately, he brought a peace offering. Granted, it was about the best thing he could have done at the time.

"Shiruku!" Yaten whispered, tears instantly coming to her eyes as she held out her hands. Seiya smiled, relieved by her response even though she didn’t look him in the eyes as he held out the kitten he’d finally managed to scoop out from under the couch. Yaten instantly cuddled Shiruku up against her chest and closed her eyes, cooing gently into the kitten’s ear.

"Are you all right, sweetheart? Gomen ne, Shiruku," Yaten whispered as she gently stroked the kitten’s silken fur, rocking her body back and forth until Shiruku began to purr, the soft sound rumbling against Yaten’s chest.

"She’s fine," Seiya said, coughing quietly, a little uncomfortable speaking up but feeling as though he should say something. "Nice and dry from lying on top of one of the vents for the last little while, and she wasn’t too scared to come out and see me."

Yaten opened her eyes, and at first Seiya flinched, afraid of how she might look at him, but he blinked, a bit startled, when the only expression he could make out in the complex swirl of emotion in her lime-green eyes was curiosity.

"I’ll leave you three alone then, shall I?" Taiki suggested, placing a hand lightly on Yaten’s shoulder to let her know that if she didn’t want him to go, he’d stay exactly where he was. His eyes remained on her face as she glanced up at him, meeting his eyes for a moment before she nodded.

Seiya watched as Taiki left, disappearing upstairs, and then his eyes dropped back to Yaten, who was nuzzling her nose lightly into Shiruku’s silvery fur and then laughing softly as the kitten turned and kissed Yaten’s cheek with her sandpaper-like tongue. Seiya smiled, and when Yaten looked back up at him, Seiya’s smile faltered slightly when he saw the sudden surprise that bloomed across her face.

"What?" he asked, surprised to find himself a bit breathless.

"N…nothing," she said quietly, turning her eyes back down to Shiruku, whose eyes were open and regarding her master curiously. Yaten returned the look, puzzling to herself in silence for a moment. What had that look been, that odd, faraway expression she’d seen on Seiya’s face a moment ago as he’d looked at her? She’d seen that look before---that particular warm smile, that particular sparkle in his cobalt eyes---but not when he was casually flirting with this girl or that girl…until they’d come to this planet, he’d only ever given that look to one particular girl. Since then, there had been another, but…why had he been looking at Yaten that way?

"Yaten…" Seiya said softly, his voice unusually serious and…regretful, Yaten realized with a start that made her blink and snap her eyes to meet his. Seiya’s eyes had darkened almost to the color of a full moon midnight, rich and alive with the brilliant hues of a hundred complex emotions that Yaten knew she could never hope to sort through, especially since she knew that Seiya didn’t understand them himself. She could see and feel remorse, sadness, homesickness and confusion…all of the things she had been struggling with herself. And twined beyond and within those emotions, she could feel something deeper…fondness, and a yearning that was growing within Seiya, beyond his control but, more importantly, beyond his understanding.

Yaten’s wide eyes remained fixed to Seiya’s as he struggled with his words, feeling like his tongue was a lead weight in his mouth. He swore he could taste it, too…something metallic. Or maybe that was blood…when he touched his tongue to the inside of his lip, he finally realized that he’d bitten it when he’d taken his nose-dive into the bathtub. No matter. The bitter taste only served to strength his resolve, making him grit his teeth.

"I’m really sorry, Yaten," he said quietly, his tone becoming firmer though he kept his voice soft, not wanting to frighten her. He was well aware of just how fragile Yaten’s emotional state was, particularly when she was already feeling threatened. Seiya bowed his head in a gesture of genuine deference and shame. "I really am sorry. Everything…everything I did and said this evening was…wrong. You were right…I need to learn to keep my mouth shut, and I…"

"Please, Seiya…be quiet," Yaten murmured, and Seiya lifted his head, eyes widening in shock as he watched her pad slowly across the kitchen floor. She was shivering, and she obviously knew it, because she was awkwardly trying to pull her robe tighter around herself even as she tried to keep both arms around Shiruku. "You really give in and apologize too often to this childish, spoiled brat."

Seiya’s mouth dropped open as Yaten stopped and stood still quite a ways away from him, facing sideways, face turned upwards as she spoke almost contemplatively. Her eyes had lightened to an almost yellowish shade of lime as she regarded something within her own mind---well, either that, or something extremely fascinating on the ceiling.

"After all, you were right, about everything," Yaten said softly, before she turned and offered him a bittersweet smile. "I will never know or understand those things…and why should I want to?"

Seiya watched, teeth gritted, trying to keep himself in check, trying to hold back the tears that threatened to spill over, as Yaten glanced down at the kitten who’d started squirming in her arms.

"There you go," Yaten whispered as she opened her arms and watched Shiruku sprint away upstairs. Her eyes remained fixed on the empty stairway for far too long afterwards, and Seiya watched as her slender shoulders started to tremble again…watched as she wrapped her arms around herself, seemingly fighting to keep warm.

"Kuso," Seiya whispered, reaching up to blindly wipe at the tears he could feel trickling down his cheeks as he strode towards her and reached out to touch her. She started and spun, even though his fingertips rested so lightly on her shoulders that she might have imagined the touch.

"Seiya," she said, surprised that he’d managed to get so close to her without her noticing. She felt a deep shock run through her when she saw the tears streaked across his cheeks, and suddenly, her throat felt extraordinarily dry. "Seiya…what…?"

"Please…don’t say that," he said, his voice rough with determination and something else…something that approached desperation. His tone combined with the force of his emotion was such a powerful hit to her senses that she was frightened, frightened enough to take a step backwards.

"Kuso," he hissed again, his voice breaking into a quiet sob as he brought up a hand to scrub at his face. Seeing the fear on her face, he felt like his heart was shattering. "Why can’t I do this right!?"

"Seiya…"

He felt her fingertips lightly press against the back of his hand and lowered it slowly, surprised to see the shame in her eyes.

"I’m sorry, Seiya…I…" she began, only to stop and bite her lip, staring at him indecisively for a moment before she seemed to come to a sort of decision and she closed her eyes. He stiffened, stunned, when she stepped towards him and wrapped her arms around his neck, leaning up into him, pressing herself as tightly against him as she could. It didn’t take him long to recover…in the next moment, he’d wrapped his arms as tightly around her waist as he could, pulling her so tightly against his chest that he could feel her ribs---too thin, she was just too damn thin---and that wasn’t all he could feel… He had to bite the inside of his cheek to keep from gasping as his body suddenly decided to kick into full gear, feeding him little sensory details about the firmness of Yaten’s thigh as she pressed it lightly between Seiya’s legs, and the softness of Yaten’s breasts as she crushed them against his pectorals in her fight to get closer. She let out a long, slow breath against his ear, seemingly of relief, probably to be held by someone, possibly to forgive him…but relief was the last thing on his mind now. Why was it that angst, sorrow and confusion made for the perfect mix so that when nothing more than a few hormones were added, sudden, absolutely aching desire was produced?

And gods, with the way she was pressed with her abdomen right up against him, she’d feel it right away if things continued on their natural course, and the last thing he wanted right now was to scare her away like *that*. What the hell was he going to do!? He didn’t have much time…ah, gods…she shifted slightly, rubbing herself against him, and he felt the blood flood away from his brain…

Well, there was only one obvious choice…right?

Yaten stiffened slightly in surprised as she felt the momentary swell of power through Seiya’s body, then took a half-step back and tilted her head questioningly as Seiya completed her change and took a moment to shift around slightly on the balls of her feet, getting used to the way her clothing now hung on her body a little oddly.

"Seiya…" Yaten murmured, not bothering to hide her mild surprise. It was quite rare lately to see Seiya in female form outside of senshi duties.

Seiya met her eyes for a moment, the warmth in her own gaze unmistakable, and then finally she offered one of her characteristic grins and winked.

"What? Can’t I be unpredictable sometimes too?"

Yaten couldn’t help herself: she broke out in a wide grin and threw herself back into Seiya’s arms. It was so good to hear that voice again! Not that Seiya’s voice was *that* different when she was male, but it was quite a bit lower, and…well, Yaten had just *missed Seiya*, *this* Seiya, damn it. Not only that, but she couldn’t help but think to herself, /Did she do this because she thought I’d be more comfortable? Because she knew it would make me feel better? That’s so sweet…/

Seiya laughed softly as she stroked her hands through Yaten’s long silver hair, relieved by the other girl’s happiness and by the quick save she’d managed to accomplish. *This* was much more manageable. The desire was certainly still there---/Oh *man* that feels good,/ she thought suddenly, eyes flickering closed as she felt Yaten’s breasts brush across her own---but at least it would be easier to hide this way.

Suddenly, Yaten stiffened slightly, and Seiya found herself catching her breath as she felt Yaten slowly lower herself from where she’d been standing on her toes. Their breasts slid together again until Yaten came to rest at her natural height, her breasts pressing lightly against Seiya’s ribs, just below Seiya’s breasts. Yaten didn’t relax her tight hold on Seiya, and Seiya felt somewhat relieved at that---not to mention that she was still in heaven from the sensation of Yaten’s breasts pressed against her, and Yaten’s warm breath puffing out lightly against her collarbone, and Yaten’s slender legs almost tangled with her own… But Seiya’s heart was pounding in a hard tattoo because she could tell that something was wrong. Her hands had stopped stroking Yaten’s hair now, instead tightly holding onto Yaten’s shoulders as though trying to keep her close for as long as possible.

"Yaten? What’s wrong…?"

Yaten was silent for a long moment, and Seiya could tell that she was carefully considering what she could and couldn’t answer, which meant that she had no intention of telling the truth. Seiya felt her heart sink into the pit of her stomach and she could feel it beginning to roil, the telltale beginnings of nausea.

"Nothing," Yaten said finally, her voice unusually soft and breathless. Seiya felt as though a part of her fell away from her and died as Yaten slowly pulled away from the embrace and turned, never meeting Seiya’s eyes as she walked away, calmly taking a seat at the kitchen counter.

Seiya fought to say something, anything to get back the moment they’d lost, but her voice was choked and nothing made its way past her lips. She stared at Yaten, at her bowed silver head and her pale, delicate hands clasped in her lap, but she couldn’t make anything she wanted to say come out…in fact, she didn’t know what she wanted to say.

Slowly, her feet dragging as though she was on her way to her own execution, Seiya made her way over to the counter and sat at the other end from Yaten, trying not to look as lost and crushed as she felt. Yaten still didn’t look up.

"I hate this place," Yaten whispered finally, from beneath the silvery curtain of her bangs. Seiya’s head lifted and for a moment she stared blankly at Yaten before her eyes cleared of their haze.

"What?"

"I hate this place," Yaten repeated quietly. At first her voice sounded low and she sounded so tired that the force behind her words was dead, but as she continued on, the passion behind her sentiment grew until it was obvious how much fire she intended to put behind each and every word. "I hate this planet. I hate the people of this planet, every one of them. I hate this city. I hate everyone in it. All of them. None of them are real…not a single one of them…is real…and before we came here, we didn’t feel any of this…we didn’t know any of this…"

"No, Yaten!!"

The sudden force of Seiya’s outburst startled Yaten and her head shot up, her eyes widening as she turned. Seiya was sitting forward on her stool, the look on her face one of grim determination.

"No, you’re wrong!" Seiya said forcefully. "You’re wrong, Yaten! The people of this planet…so many of them carry such brilliance…and you’ve met some of them, you’ve seen that some of them possess genuine kindness, and compassion…"

Yaten’s stare became almost pouty. Seiya was repeating almost exactly what Taiki had been saying. Those wretched girls…

"If you think I care about those girls…"

"Those girls genuinely care about you, Yaten! Whether you can see that or not!" Seiya said, sounding a bit annoyed now as she leaned farther forward, her bright blue eyes drilling into Yaten’s despite how hard Yaten tried to turn away. "And yes, if you want to know…I can see and feel a brilliant shine within each of them. This planet, Yaten…in all the places we went to, I never saw anything like it…"

"And?" Yaten said, her tone approaching a sneer as she too began to get annoyed. "I couldn’t care less whether you’ve become enamored of this planet and its wretched people, Fighter. Keep me out of it. I want to get off this rock as soon as we possibly can."

Seiya’s eyes flashed almost dangerously for a moment before she closed them. When she opened them again, they were laced with a terrible, aching grief that startled Yaten to her core.

"What if we never find her?" Seiya asked, in a low, quiet tone that sent shivers down Yaten’s spine even as Seiya’s horrifying words made Yaten gasp. "What if we never do, Healer? What if we can never go home? Where would we go? Where would our home be then?"

Yaten stared at Seiya in horror for a moment, at first utterly unable to believe that she’d actually heard her utter such blasphemous, terrible things. Then Yaten got angry. *Very* angry.

/How *dare* you, Seiya. How *dare* you imply that this hellish place could ever take the place of our home planet. How *dare* you imply that anyone could ever take the place of our princess…the *only woman in the galaxies*…especially *that girl*. How DARE you./

What she said aloud was a quiet, simple, "I can’t believe you said that, Seiya…I can’t believe you just said that."

She turned on her heel and quickly ran upstairs and into her room, slamming the door, never once looking back and hoping desperately that Seiya wouldn’t have followed her. She threw herself onto her bed and burrowed her face in the covers.

/Not find her…? Never go home…? Impossible…that’s impossible…/

/…Isn’t it?/

*****

Seiya glanced up a few minutes later when she heard the sound of Taiki’s footsteps on the stairs, and she watched his eyebrows lift as he took in her state. She must have looked pretty ridiculous, she realized, wearing a pair of stylishly torn jeans and a T-shirt that were both quite a bit too loose on her when she was female, and with her face pale and tear-streaked, hair messed up from her running her fingers through it in frustration over the last few minutes. She could see Taiki mulling things over as he looked at her posture, slumped defeatedly against the counter-top, elbows resting there carelessly, head against her fisted hands.

"Yo," she said softly, finally, and when her voice rasped uncomfortably she coughed quietly. "Eto…care to have a seat?"

Taiki shook his head, instead going to the fridge and pouring a glass of filtered water which he then placed in front of her. She smiled in gratitude and picked it up, but put it back down quickly when her hand shook so badly she almost spilled it all over the counter.

"Chikusho…" she whispered, closing her eyes tightly and covering her face with both hands.

"What happened?" Taiki inquired calmly, placing a hand lightly on her shoulder, and when she glanced up, she could see the concern in his eyes. Again, she smiled thankfully.

"Maa, you know…same old, same old. I fucked everything up big time," Seiya said with a soft, bitter laugh before she ran a shaking hand through her hair again. "Kuso, Taiki…all I want to do is help her, you know? I want to try to make this whole experience easier for her, because I know this whole thing has hurt her so badly…I know she feels it even more deeply than either of us do. But all I ever do is hurt her *more* badly. God…I should just leave her alone…"

Seiya buried her face in her hands again, hiding away the tears in her eyes, but Taiki would have heard it in her voice even if he hadn’t seen them before she’d turned away.

"No…" Taiki murmured, his hand now rubbing light circles over Seiya’s shoulder. He felt like the gesture was somewhat useless, but he wasn’t an especially tactile person and he really didn’t know what else to do. Little did he know that Seiya found it oddly comforting just to be touched at all, right at that moment, when she felt like the most useless person in the galaxy.

"E?" Seiya said, voice muffled by her hands before she pulled them away and looked up at Taiki through the shimmering sheen of her tears.

"No…don’t leave her alone…it’s the last thing she needs right now," Taiki said quietly, and then he smiled slightly. "Why don’t you just apologize?"

"Even when I apologize I screw up!" Seiya said, throwing her hands in the air and swearing at herself, using a few words that managed to make Taiki blink.

"Seiya…" Taiki said hesitantly, but Seiya waved her hand dismissively.

"Never mind, Taiki. I know. I’ll keep trying until something works, or until I die trying, I guess," she said, turning to give him a wink that at least managed to imitate her usual energy. Taiki watched, rubbing his head uncomfortably, as Seiya slowly walked to the bottom of the stairs and paused for a moment there to take a long, deep breath before she made her way up towards Yaten’s room.

"Ganbatte kudasai," Taiki said quietly, closing his eyes and silently hoping for a good outcome.

*****

END PART ELEVEN