Fandom: Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon: Sailor Stars (anime)
Date Finished:
Classification: Romance, Humor, Angst
Pairing: Seiya/Yaten, references to past Fighter/Kakyuu, shades of Seiya/Usagi
Rating: NC-17

Give Unto Me
By Elsewhere
elsewherecw@shaw.ca

All other information in Part One.

Part Twelve: Going Under

Glossary:
ano - um
arigatou - thank you
e? - huh?
eto - um
gomen - sorry
gomen ne - I’m sorry
ita/itai - ow; ouch  
ne - sort of like ‘eh’ or ‘hey’…a word used to emphasize a point or get someone’s attention
oi - hey
oyasumi - good night
senshi - soldiers; warriors

*****
Please don't be afraid
When the darkness fades away
The dawn will break the silence screaming at our hearts
My love for you still grows
This I do for you
Before I try to fight the truth my final time
*****

Seiya paused outside Yaten’s door and took another deep breath before she knocked, then waited patiently, for so long that she was beginning to think that she wasn’t welcome. But finally, a quiet, only mildly annoyed voice called from within:

"What do you want?"

Seiya cleared her throat as softly as she could, shifting uncomfortably where she stood as she tried to come up with something relatively intelligent to say.

"Ano…it’s Seiya," she said, and instantly winced. Right. Intelligent. Definitely put a big check mark next to *that* one.

"I know who it is," came the reply, tainted with a slightly elevated dose of irritation, which made Seiya’s slight wince a full-blown cringe.

"Ano…can I come in? Just…just for a little while, Yaten," she said, allowing her tone to become more pleading than she’d usually feel comfortable with as she leaned against the door, almost willing it to open.

For a couple of minutes, all that greeted her request was silence, but finally, the voice came again, quieter this time, so quiet that Seiya had to press her forehead to the door so she could hear.

"Fine…come in. The door isn’t locked."

Seiya couldn’t help the deep breath of relief that shuddered out of her lungs, or the way her eyes fell closed as she leaned helplessly against the door for a moment, gathering her strength before she straightened, took another deep breath, and opened the door.

It didn’t help much. As soon as she stepped inside the door and caught sight of Yaten, her breath caught in her throat anyway. Yaten was sitting at the end of her bed with her knees drawn tightly up to her chest and her chin resting on her knees, staring fixedly out the window. The curtains were drawn back fully, revealing that night’s crescent moon in all its brilliance, and Yaten’s wide eyes seemed fixated on the large, bright presence in the night sky. The moonlight, surreal and opalescent as it spilled into the darkness of her room, dyed Yaten’s normally bright green eyes a milky yellowish color. Looking at her, even from the side, Seiya couldn’t help but feel a shiver down her spine.

"Yaten?" she asked, keeping her voice hushed though she wasn’t even sure why. "You okay?"

For a moment, Yaten remained silent and still, her eyes on the moon, but Seiya could see by the way Yaten’s slender shoulders were trembling lightly that some kind of struggle was going on within her. It made Seiya catch her breath again, this time because she found herself reacting instinctively, wanting to reach out, to offer some kind of help or support…but she knew that anything she offered wouldn’t be welcome.

"This planet’s moon…is so pale," Yaten said finally, voice barely above a whisper. She sounded calm, as though she was musing over nothing more unusual than the weather, but the way her trembles increased to shudders gave her away. "So very pale…from here, it appears almost pure white."

Seiya watched, feeling as though her own heart was tearing away from the walls of her chest as Yaten struggled with whatever it was that was going on within her own mind and heart, alone. To see her trembling…

"It really looks nothing like our moons," Yaten said, tilting her head, as though she was only curious…as though this wasn’t the very heart of the matter that was killing her spirit, slowly but surely, with each day that passed.

Seiya closed her eyes, her own memories flashing behind her eyelids for a moment. Kinmoku…Kinmoku had three moons, the moons which the three Sailor Starlights represented. The largest moon with the widest orbit was the soft purple-hued Maker; closest to the planet’s orbit, the smaller, peridot-colored Healer; and in a mediary position between the two others, the brilliant blue Fighter. Utterly different, yes, but…Seiya clenched her teeth as an image of that *girl*, that maddeningly mysterious girl flashed before her eyes.

Sailor Moon. Who was she? Somehow, sometimes, she managed to remind Seiya, just a bit, of Kakyuu…something about that gentle, warm power she radiated, and her insistence that she would save the Phages, despite the loss of their Starseeds… And then, of course, there was the fact that up until Sailor Moon, Seiya had never seen anyone other than Kakyuu who could actually *heal* a Phage.

Seiya knew that Yaten intended all of this to be a part of her implication. It was obvious by the way Yaten was now frozen in silence, not turning to look at Seiya but simply waiting, knowing a response would be coming.

When Seiya finally did speak, her tone was firm, and there was no hesitation in her stride as she moved over to the window and pulled the curtains closed.

"Nothing can ever replace our planet," she said quietly, and the insistence in her tone might easily have been taken for sharpness. "No one can replace our princess."

She fiddled with the curtains for a moment, pretending that it mattered, that they should be closed just so…and then finally she turned around, seeking and meeting Yaten’s pale eyes.

For a moment Yaten held her gaze in utter silence, seeming to be searching her eyes as though looking for evidence of the seriousness of her words. Given the circumstances, Seiya didn’t think she had any right to be offended; it seemed understandable that Yaten would feel doubt.

After a few moments, Yaten closed her eyes and turned her head, and Seiya felt her stomach clench. Did she doubt, then?

"What do you want?" Yaten asked, her voice so low that it became little more than a husky exhalation of breath.

Seiya let her own eyes flutter closed for a moment before she opened them again, then sighed and made her way over to the bed. She glanced at Yaten, sitting there curled up like a wounded animal that was determined to defend itself from the one that had hurt it, and she sighed again as she gingerly sat down on the edge of the bed, making sure she was quite a ways away from the other girl.

It was an incredibly complicated question, she thought, leaning back against her hands and staring at the ceiling as she contemplated. /What do I want? I wish I could tell you, Yaten…but first, I would have to *know*…/

She decided to answer the question in the most superficial manner. At the moment, it was all she could give.

"I wanted to apologize…*again*…" She let out another quick breath as she swung herself around on the bed, crossing her legs and dropping her chin to rest again her hand, elbows against her knees. She stared at Yaten, blue eyes dark with a deep, restless sadness as she watched her friend trembling. "I really am sorry, Yaten…it seems like…everything I do, I do wrong. Even when I try to make it better…"

Yaten remained silent, eyes closed, head resting against her knees. The only sign that she was even listening was the way her breathing seemed to follow the rhythm of Seiya’s voice.

"I can be such a bulldozer sometimes…" Seiya said with a quiet, deadened chuckle. "I know…your feelings and mine aren’t always the same, and I shouldn’t try to make you feel the same way I do. But I always do, don’t I? I always push you too hard, and say the wrong thing, and you always end up getting hurt…and I’m sorry. I know I’m an idiot…you’re right. I’m sorry, Yaten…but…I want you to know that I never mean to hurt you, really…it’s the last thing I want…"

Seiya silenced when she finally heard Yaten slowly take a breath and then lick her lips.

"I know," Yaten whispered, finally opening her eyes, though she kept them locked on some apparently fascinating spot on the blanket. Her hand reached down and started to fiddle with a place in the fabric where the threads were starting to fray.

"No…" Seiya whispered, cautiously reaching out and laying her fingertips against Yaten’s knuckles. Yaten froze, staring at their hands as Seiya lightly stroked the skin between Yaten’s fingers. "Yaten…I really mean it…please. I’m really sorry…I’m going to try to back off, all right? I’m going to try not to do it anymore…I mean, I’m not going to pressure you. You don’t have to do or feel anything you don’t want to. You can hate this place all you want…just please, believe me when I say I never wanted to hurt you, and that I…"

"Oh, Seiya," Yaten said suddenly, voice rising with a sharpness that made Seiya abruptly cut off her monologue, her eyes snapping up from where they’d been staring hypnotically at where her fingers were stroking Yaten’s hand. She was surprised to see the annoyance blazing in Yaten’s lime green eyes.

"Shut up, okay?" Yaten said, lifting one sleek silver eyebrow and tilting her head slightly, and Seiya felt her stomach clench again, this time with hope, when Yaten suddenly offered her a tiny, lopsided smile. "Seiya…I…believe in you. I know you don’t mean to hurt me…really, I do. But…"

Seiya caught her breath. But…?

"Could you do me a favor?" Yaten asked as she lifted her hand, and Seiya glanced downward, eyes widening with surprise as she watched Yaten entwine her fingers lightly with Seiya’s.

"Anything, Yaten…you know I…" Seiya began, but when Yaten began to look annoyed, Seiya quickly hushed before Yaten decided to snap again.

"Please…don’t change too much," Yaten said quietly, suddenly leaning forward, and before Seiya could realize what was happening, Yaten had moved closer and was lightly nuzzling her nose into Seiya’s neck, gently inhaling the fragrance of olive blossoms that she found so invigorating and soothing at the same time. Somehow, out of the three of them, it seemed strongest from Seiya…

"Don’t ever change," Yaten murmured, closing her eyes and leaning her head on Seiya’s shoulder as she held her hand a little bit tighter.

Seiya blinked, utterly still for a moment before finally, she carefully brought up her hand and lightly rested it against Yaten’s lower back, relaxing slightly when Yaten didn’t jump or move away at the touch.

"Ano…Yaten…what are…"

"I’m stupid and I’m spoiled and half the time I don’t know what I’m talking about, much less what you or Taiki are talking about," Yaten said suddenly, then took in a quick breath before proceeding in the same flustered tone. "I admit it hurts me when you say things I don’t understand or things that are the opposite of what I’ve been feeling or what I’ve understood up until now…but that’s because I don’t know enough to understand…does that make any sense?"

Yaten lifted her head and stared at Seiya intensely, her wide green eyes curious. Seiya wondered idly if now it was her turn to scream ‘How could you!?’ and run out of the room.

"Eto…no, not really," Seiya said finally, reaching up her free hand to rub the back of her head.

Yaten looked crestfallen.

"Ano…" she said, dropping her head to rest against Seiya’s chest for a moment before she lifted her head and fixed Seiya under her intense, brilliant green gaze again. "Listen, I’m saying that I don’t want you to do all those things. I don’t want you to change how you behave around me…I don’t want you to walk on eggshells around me just because I’m a spoiled brat who doesn’t know anything."

Seiya blinked again before she quickly sat up, not even seeming to notice that this quickly brought her in close contact with her smaller friend. Yaten was practically in her lap by this point, and now their breasts were pressed close together, their faces inches apart, Seiya’s hand still at the small of Yaten’s back.

"But, Yaten…" Seiya began, willing and ready to argue back, now that she was beginning to get Yaten’s drift.

"Shh," Yaten said, instantly silencing Seiya by placing a slender finger against the younger girl’s lips. Yaten ignored the way Seiya blushed lightly at Yaten’s touch against her lips. Yaten’s entire expression had become one of firm conviction. "I forgive you; get over it. Just promise me, please…promise me you won’t change just for me."

Seiya stared at her in silence for a moment, finally noticing how close they were now as Yaten gently took back her finger and held Seiya’s gaze, letting Seiya search her eyes, probing for evidence of her seriousness. Yaten could feel Seiya’s uncertainty, and Seiya’s genuine fear of hurting Yaten…it made something deep within Yaten start to ache, and she had to wrap an arm around her stomach to keep herself from trembling.

"But…" Seiya whispered after a few minutes of staring into Yaten’s eyes, and Yaten started slightly, at first shying away from the touch, when Seiya brought up both hands to cup Yaten’s cheeks. Yaten relaxed quickly when she saw the hurt that flashed across Seiya’s eyes, and Yaten felt her breath leave her in a soft, shuddering gasp as Seiya’s thumbs lightly caressed her cheeks.

"It hurts so much to see you hurt," Seiya whispered, leaning forward to press a gentle kiss just above Yaten’s right eyebrow. Yaten felt everything within her freeze even as her mind struggled to keep up with this…to her surprise, something within her was telling her to relax her barriers; almost without her consent, they were falling away, one by one, and Seiya’s emotions were flooding inside. Confusion, sadness, longing…so many familiar emotions…but such tenderness…where did that come from?

"And to know that I was the one that hurt you…it tears me apart," Seiya continued in the same hoarse whisper as she leaned a bit closer and wrapped her arms around Yaten’s waist, snaking her hands up until she was gently cupping the back of Yaten’s head, pulling her close until Yaten’s head was against Seiya’s shoulder again. "You’re my partner, my friend, a part of me…I don’t want to hurt you anymore…"

"Seiya…" Yaten whispered, her own voice as rough as Seiya’s now. She was trembling with the force of their combined emotions, and she was trying to keep herself from gasping aloud at the strength of what she was feeling, at the strain of trying to make sense of it…and a part of her felt a bit guilty. /This is wrong…she doesn’t know I’m dipping into her emotions…but I can’t stop…/

"You’re shaking…" Seiya murmured back, one hand remaining in Yaten’s hair as she other started to stroke Yaten’s back. "Yaten…"

Yaten closed her eyes, taking a deep breath. Seiya was being honest with her, as honest as she’d ever seen her…the least she could do was be honest in return…

"It’s your emotions…" she whispered shakily against Seiya’s ear, lifting her head. Her hands were clenched in the fabric of Seiya’s shirt as she quivered. "They’re…inside of me."

She felt Seiya stiffen, and closed her eyes tighter, assuming that Seiya was angry.

"My…what?" Seiya asked slowly, and if Yaten had looked up, she would have seen the slow look of wonder that came over the younger woman’s face.

"Your feelings," Yaten repeated breathlessly, squirming a bit against Seiya now. She wanted to get away before this got any worse. "Gomen…the way you’re holding me and the way you were speaking to me…for some reason I couldn’t keep you out…"

"And my…feelings…?" Seiya began, her hands utterly still against Yaten’s slight frame.

"Gomen ne," Yaten whispered, struggling a bit now as she tried to duck out of Seiya’s grasp. Seiya finally noticed this and relaxed her grip entirely, allowing Yaten to slip away. She watched as Yaten crawled across the bed, quickly gasping in a few breaths as her barriers slid back into place and she found herself, once again, blissfully alone.

"Yaten…" Seiya breathed, hesitantly reaching out a hand but stopping short of touching her. "Are you okay? I’m sorry…I didn’t think…"

"E?" Yaten turned back to glance at Seiya, surprise blossoming over her face, and her surprise in turn surprised Seiya. When she saw the concern on Seiya’s face, her brow furrowed in confusion. "You’re not mad?"

"Mad?" Seiya asked, her own forehead creasing. "Why would I be mad?"

"Well…I was…" Yaten struggled with her words for a moment before she turned away from Seiya and closed her eyes. "Most people wouldn’t like it if someone else rummaged around in their feelings without their permission. But…I didn’t mean to…usually I can keep you out of my feelings, even though it’s difficult when we’re that…close…usually I only feel your surface emotions, and only strongly when you touch me…but just then, something happened…maybe because I’m tired…"

"Yaten…it’s okay," Seiya said with a gentle smile as she moved over to kneel just behind Yaten. Yaten trembled slightly, feeling Seiya’s sudden proximity. "I just…most of the time I don’t think about it, you know? That you’re an empath. Sorry about that…it doesn’t occur to me that it must be difficult for you, to feel your emotions and mine as well…"

/You have no idea…at least, lately…/ Yaten thought, closing her eyes and feeling another light shudder pass through her body. She wrapped her arms around herself.

"Anyway, I don’t care," Seiya said quietly, voice deepening slightly. She’d seen Yaten shiver, and the way she’d hugged herself as though she was cold. Suddenly Seiya felt far more somber than she had a moment before. "I just feel sorry for you, having all that crap dumped on you…from my mind, I mean."

She tried to smile, but when Yaten shivered again, the expression quickly died away.

"Yaten…are you cold?"

"Not really," Yaten lied, and Seiya sighed softly.

"Come on, Yaten…I know you are. You are wearing only a bathrobe, after all. Why don’t you put some clothes on?"

Yaten was silent for a moment before she turned back and fixed Seiya with a determined stare.

"I’ll get dressed," she said quietly. "But only if you make me my promise. You still haven’t."

Seiya blinked and then sighed, hanging her head.

"But, Yaten, I told you…I don’t think I can make that promise, because…"

"Fine," Yaten said sharply, turning around and sitting ramrod straight with her hands folded in her lap, her legs folded campfire style. "Then I’ll freeze to death here in my bathrobe, thank you very much."

Unable to help herself, Seiya started to laugh.

"Yaten…"

"Nope! I won’t accept substitutes," Yaten said shrewdly, closing her eyes and sticking her nose in the air. The slight smile at her lips almost gave her away.

Seiya scratched her head and sighed, hanging her head again for a moment before she leaned a little closer to Yaten.

"All right…I promise…I’ll continue to be a pushy bitch and/or bastard, depending on what sex I am at the time," Seiya said, grinning and with her soft blue eyes twinkling. "I’ll say as many rude and stupid things as I like, and I’ll call you all kinds of mean names like shrimp and pipsqueak and I’ll make every joke I possibly can about your height, not to mention your habits…"

Yaten laughed softly, dipping her head downwards to try to hide her amusement, but then she froze when she felt Seiya’s breath lightly against her neck. Suddenly, Seiya seemed a little more serious…

"And as if that weren’t bad enough…I’ll flirt with you endlessly…and pretend it doesn’t matter…" Seiya whispered. Yaten caught and held her breath as Seiya slowly leaned down and brushed a kiss, lighter than the touch of a butterfly’s wing, against the pale skin of Yaten’s neck. Seiya leaned back then and offered another quirky grin. "Now, will you go and get dressed? I promise I won’t peek."

Yaten quickly composed herself, trying to hide the way her breathing had sped up. She made a show of rolling her eyes as she got to her feet.

"I don’t believe you," Yaten grumbled as she crossed the room to her closet and dug around way in the back, pulling out her favorite comfortable, warm flannel nightgown. "You were always a voyeur…"

"I’m not peeking, I swear," said Seiya, her voice strained a bit as though she was trying to keep from laughing. "Oh, and while you’re over there by the chest of drawers, could you grab that hairbrush…?"

"Oi…! You…!!" Yaten yelled, grabbing the hair brush and turning to lob it at Seiya’s head, watching as Seiya, who had her eyes open and was unabashedly watching Yaten move around the room, quickly rolled away from the flying object. "*Don’t* look!"

"I’m not, I swear!" Seiya said between her giggles as she now lay flat on the floor on the other side of the bed from where Yaten was standing, in case Yaten decided to throw anything else.

Yaten glanced back once to make sure before she quickly slid off her bathrobe and pulled on her nightgown. Just as the nightgown slid down over her naked curves, she heard an appreciative whistle behind her. As soon as she was covered, she spun around and saw Seiya leaning with her elbows against the bed, the hairbrush in one hand, blushing slightly and with a goofy sort of grin on her face.

"You!" Yaten growled again.

"Whoa, I swear I didn’t mean to look," Seiya hurried to say as Yaten climbed up on the bed and crawled towards her, looking very threatening. "I just popped up to look for the hairbrush, and there you were…naked…and looking spectacularly gorgeous if I may say so myself…"

"You may not," Yaten snapped, grabbing the hairbrush out of Seiya’s hand and whacking Seiya once soundly with the flat side of it, right on the top of her head.

"Ita!" Seiya exclaimed, moaning as she rubbed the sore spot. Yaten held up the brush threateningly and Seiya shrank back. "Gomen, gomen! I *swear* I didn’t mean to, Yaten-chaaaaaan, forgive meee…?"

Seiya proceeded on with this disgusting display, giving Yaten large blue chibi eyes as she scooted over and laid her head in Yaten’s lap. Yaten stared down at her in disgust for a moment before she finally rolled her eyes and pushed Seiya’s head, hard enough that Seiya lost her balance and crashed to the floor.

"Itai…" Seiya moaned after a moment of just lying on the floor, while Yaten lightly brushed the bottom end of her ponytail and sniffed, ignoring the pained groans coming from the floor.

"Gahh…" Seiya sat up a moment later, then climbed up on the bed, rubbing her head and glaring at Yaten. Then she noticed Yaten brushing her ponytail and her glare instantly faded. "Oi! Give me that!"

She grabbed the hairbrush out of Yaten’s hand, startling the smaller girl.

"Hey, what the hell are you doing?" Yaten said, lifting both eyebrows in surprise as Seiya scooted around behind Yaten.

"I wanted to do that," Seiya said, holding up the hairbrush and then smiling softly. "If you’ll let me, that is…"

Yaten opened and closed her mouth once before she offered her own hesitant smile.

"Of course," she said quietly, and then she tilted her head, eyeing Seiya curiously. "But…why?"

"Kakyuu-hime or Taiki always used to caress or brush your hair to make you feel better," Seiya answered, meeting Yaten’s eyes for a moment before she gestured with her chin for Yaten to turn to face forward. Yaten blinked, startled by Seiya’s answer, but did as the younger woman had silently requested, turning with her back to Seiya. She relaxed into a cross-legged position.

"This time I want to do it," Seiya said quietly, smiling slightly to herself as she reached for Yaten’s ribbon. "And then, if you want, we can stay up late doing the girl talk thing."

Yaten burst out with a quick laugh, then covered her mouth with her hand.

"What?" Seiya asked, feeling a bit put out by this response, but she relaxed when she saw Yaten shudder and heard her sigh softly, evidently pleased, when Seiya gently released her long silver mane from its binding.

"You were never very keen on ‘the girl talk thing’, Seiya," Yaten said with a small smile, closing her eyes as she felt Seiya start to run her long fingers through the silken strands of Yaten’s hair, smoothing out the worst of the wet tangles. "In fact…you pretty much sucked at it."

"Itai," Seiya whispered again, and Yaten laughed. Seiya considered this, biting her lip slightly as she ran her hands through Yaten’s hair one last time and picked up the hairbrush. "All right…what do you want to talk about, then?"

Yaten shrugged.

"How should I know…you’re the one who wants to talk."

That made Seiya pause again, the brush just barely touching Yaten’s hair.

"Do you want me to go?" she asked, cringing slightly when she heard the uncertainty in her own tone.

Yaten’s eyes snapped open when she heard Seiya’s response and realized how her own careless words must have sounded to Seiya, considering everything that had happened this evening.

"No," she said quickly, so quickly that she surprised herself. But what surprised her even more was the fact that she truly meant it…she didn’t want Seiya to go. As uncertain as this whole situation was, and as confusing as she found it…it felt good to be here, with Seiya, while Seiya stroked her hair…it felt safe, and right. She didn’t want that to have to end just yet. "No…you don’t have to go."

She was silent after that, breath held as she waited for Seiya’s response. After a couple of minutes of stillness, Seiya finally started to run the brush through Yaten’s hair, each brush stroke so gentle that at first Yaten wondered if it could genuinely do any good to help get tangles out.

"I want to talk about something, actually," Seiya said quietly, her tone so somber that Yaten instantly knew she wasn’t going to like what Seiya had to say. Yaten felt her stomach tighten. "Yaten…what I said earlier, when you were in the bath…I want to talk about that."

Yaten shivered slightly, and she felt Seiya’s hand come to rest on her shoulder for a moment, seeming to offer support, before it went back to her hair, holding some of it away from her back as Seiya ran the brush through a snag.

"I really meant it when I said I don’t want you to believe that crap, okay?" Seiya murmured, trying to keep her hands from trembling as she spoke. "From what you were saying earlier, in the kitchen, it sounded like maybe you didn’t understand…but I only said that stuff because I was angry, Yaten. I don’t really believe it."

For a moment Yaten was silent and still, and Seiya just kept brushing Yaten’s hair, biting her lip as she dreaded whatever Yaten might say.

"What don’t you really believe?" Yaten asked finally, a quiet, genuinely curious question.

Seiya let out her breath, closing her eyes. Mmhm…that was pretty much the type of question she’d been dreading.

"Well…" Seiya swallowed and opened her eyes, determined to press forward. "Like when I said that maybe you were too cold to ever experience things like love and sex…I didn’t mean that. I don’t really believe that, Yaten. I don’t really think you’re so cold…and I think the time will come along when you’ll find someone…I really do."

Yaten had started blushing the moment the words ‘love’ and ‘sex’ came into the conversation, and now she was turning bright crimson. She pulled her thighs up to her chest and buried her face in her knees. A part of her wanted to speak up and say that she didn’t want that…she didn’t want or need anyone, ever, and she had no care for things like love or sex. But another part of her knew that wasn’t entirely true…up until recently, she might have claimed it was, but feelings she hadn’t known existed were awakening within her…

/Cold…am I cold? If I am, then what is this heat you make me feel sometimes, Seiya?/

"Of course, it’s fine if you don’t, too," Seiya hurried to say. "If there isn’t a place in your life for sex or romance, that’s fine…maybe we all place too much emphasis on it anyway."

Yaten couldn’t help the slight smile that came to her lips at the way Seiya’s words almost exactly echoed her own thoughts.

"And then…" Seiya gulped, closing her eyes tightly. "That other thing I said…when I said you didn’t know anything about attraction or sex or love…that was just cruel. I…really don’t know how much you know about it. It’s not like I’ve asked recently, so I…well…anyway…and then when I said that you probably don’t…well, suffice to say that what I said next definitely went too far. I went way over the line with that one, Yaten, and I’m genuinely sorry."

Yaten thought back to the entire scene in the bath, trying to ignore the sick feeling in her stomach as she remembered the intensity of Seiya’s anger, and she felt her blush heating up again as she recalled the words Seiya was talking about. This time, Seiya noticed the way Yaten’s ears turned red, and it made her feel even worse. She didn’t realize that Yaten was blushing out of a different kind of embarrassment from what Seiya thought.

"I’m sorry, Yaten," Seiya whispered, hanging her head in shame, her hands still in Yaten’s hair for the moment.

Yaten swallowed, trying to quell her embarrassment and nervousness as she worked up her courage to ask the question.

"Ano…Seiya…what did you mean when you said that?"

Seiya lifted her head.

"E? When I said what?"

"When you said…I’ve probably never even touched myself," Yaten said, clenching her hands into fists. She felt so stupid, as though this should be so obvious. "What did you mean by that?"

It seemed to take a few minutes for her words to register entirely with Seiya. Either that, or it was only the fact that Seiya seemed entirely frozen in place that kept her from doing a full face-plant on the bed. When Seiya finally spoke, her voice was shaky, and if Yaten had turned around, she would have seen that Seiya had broken out in a sweat.

"Eto…I don’t think I understand the question," she said, trying to keep from twitching nervously.

She watched as Yaten visibly flinched.

"I didn’t understand what you said," Yaten said quietly, clarifying her words. "Never touched myself how? Where?"

"Yaten…" Seiya could feel her stomach slowly winding into a knot again, even as her throat went dry. She swallowed, desperately trying to get some moisture. "Please tell me you’re joking."

She watched as Yaten slowly straightened her back, her entire body stiffening. Seiya winced, recognizing instantly that she’d managed to piss Yaten off.

"Why would I joke about something like that?" Yaten snapped, turning around suddenly and fixing Seiya under an irritated, blazing green gaze that made Seiya’s stomach tighten further. Yaten was shaking again, but this time her hand was clenched into a fist, her teeth gritted. "If you don’t want to answer the question, then don’t…but damn it, how am I supposed to know if you won’t tell me?"

Seiya quickly leaned forward, pushing aside her own discomfort when she realized she’d managed to offend Yaten yet again.

"All right, all right…calm down," Seiya said hastily, holding up her hands palm-out in a gesture of acquiescence. "I’m sorry, Yaten…I didn’t mean it the way it sounded. I was just…surprised by the question, that’s all."

Yaten was silent, but the frown remained on her face, her lip jutted out slightly as she stared stubbornly at Seiya.

Seiya gulped again, bringing up a hand to her throat for a moment, wishing she’d brought along that glass of water Taiki had poured for her. Why was it so dry in here, all of a sudden…?

And how the hell was the best way to go about giving Yaten elementary sex education…? Maybe she should get Taiki…

She took another look at Yaten’s jutted out lower lip, thought of the scientific terms Taiki would probably come up with, or perhaps the six-inch-thick textbooks Taiki would have on hand dealing with the subject, and instantly decided that no…getting Taiki was definitely not the answer.

"Ano…" Seiya let out a quick breath as she moved forward a bit until she was just behind Yaten. She heard and saw Yaten draw in a breath, surprised at Seiya’s sudden closeness. "I…don’t really know the best way to explain, so…"

Seiya gently placed her hands on Yaten’s shoulders and felt Yaten hold her breath as Yaten turned her head forward, trying to hide the fact that she was suddenly blushing. Seiya couldn’t deny the fact that she felt a mild thrill of excitement move through her own body, to be this close to Yaten, and with the subject matter at hand being what it was…

"Yaten…" Seiya breathed as she lightly drew her hand across Yaten’s chest, finally letting her palm rest over Yaten’s heart for the barest moment, long enough that she was convinced that through the fabric of Yaten’s nightgown she felt it beating hard against her skin, before she trailed her fingertips gently down Yaten’s chest and stomach. Finally, her hand came to rest hovering just over Yaten’s groin, careful not to touch.

"I meant…do you ever touch yourself…here," Seiya said, and as soon as the last word left her mouth she was biting her lip, trying to control her body. She was a little more than mildly excited now, and her body was telling her to press closer to Yaten, but that was the last thing her mind wanted her to do right now. Seiya was blushing now, her cheeks a warm pink, partly because of her words and partly because of her arousal.

Yaten gasped softly, partly because of the tingling sensations Seiya’s touch had sent spiraling throughout her slender frame, but mainly because of shock. Seiya drew her hand away as Yaten quickly closed her thighs and pulled her knees up to her chest again, wrapping her arms around her thighs protectively.

"No! Why should I!?" Yaten demanded, a mixture of irritation and genuine surprise in her voice.

Seiya leaned back a bit, truly startled by this reaction…Yaten really *hadn’t* had any idea…

"I don’t know…maybe because it feels good?" Seiya suggested, too puzzled to sound as sarcastic as her words were intended to be.

"Because it feels good?" Yaten repeated, sounding completely disbelieving, slowly turning her head to look at Seiya, and Seiya blinked when she saw the way Yaten’s cheeks were flushed a healthy pink as well. She supposed it could just be annoyance, but… Yaten’s brow furrowed, eyes narrowing in something akin to disdain. "I’ve heard that before. People say that about sex, but I’ve always wondered. To me it just sounds…messy."

Yaten’s words came out in an irritated, snappish rush, and the distracted look in her eyes, focused on something just to the left of Seiya’s face, made it clear that she wasn’t exactly talking to Seiya, but more to herself.

Nonetheless, Seiya couldn’t help but laugh out loud at Yaten’s last comment.

"Yeah…" she agreed, smiling lopsidedly as she pulled her own knees up against her chest and rested her chin against them. "It can be a little messy, but what can I say, Yaten…sometimes you do things that can involve some unpleasant stuff because the good parts of the experience outweigh the unpleasantness, you know?"

"Oh, and you speak from experience?" Yaten said, sounding a bit indignant, as though she resented the fact that Seiya didn’t agree with her opinion. It would have made Seiya smile, if Yaten’s question hadn’t panicked Seiya’s emotions a bit.

"Yes, I do," Seiya said quietly, her eyes flashing a bit dangerously, challenging Yaten, daring her to make something of that. /Just don’t ask me who, please, Yaten…I wouldn’t want to lie to you, and now isn’t the time to explain…/

Yaten stared at Seiya in silence for a moment, teeth still gritted. She felt the surprise blooming deep within her, but the truth was, by the way Seiya had been talking and even by the way Seiya had been behaving lately…not even just lately, but for quite some time now…Yaten had suspected that Seiya was…

Yaten closed her eyes, grinding her teeth slowly. If she was honest with herself, she even knew…who Seiya would have made love to…and if she thought about that, without any real rational reason, irritation soon became anger…

"I’m not that kind of person," Yaten snapped abruptly, turning back around quickly and staring blindly at the wall, trying to see past the red that had suddenly clouded her vision. She hated it when she felt like this… What was this? Was this what the Earthians called…jealousy? "‘Because it feels good…’ What a convenient excuse. And what about the rest?"

"The rest?" Seiya asked blankly, straightening slightly and staring at the hard line of Yaten’s shoulders. Yaten’s mood had changed so suddenly that Seiya was completely lost.

"What about our duty?" Yaten said, her voice rising towards a shout. "We can’t just let ourselves be distracted by things like attraction and sex and *love* just because it ‘feels good’, Seiya…that’s not good enough. Especially with…certain people. We have a duty to uphold, and we…"

"Oh come on!" Seiya snapped suddenly, her own anger flaring up so suddenly that Yaten jumped as Seiya leaned forward. "Don’t give me that crap, Yaten. Duty has nothing to do with this."

Yaten spun around.

"We’re senshi, Fighter!" Yaten yelled, both hands fisted, nails digging into her palms. "Our duty is *everything.*"

Seiya saw the way Yaten was shaking, this time with rage, and again she closed her eyes, trying to force herself to calm down.

"Yes…that’s true, isn’t it?" Seiya said quietly, opening her eyes and meeting Yaten’s hard, angry gaze. "But, Yaten…we’re also allowed to live our lives outside of our duty as senshi. We’re allowed to have other things…little pleasures that make us happy."

She could see the disdain and doubt that was creeping into Yaten’s expression, and she hurried to clarify her words.

"It was Kakyuu-hime who told me that," Seiya said quickly, and she saw Yaten’s expression freeze into one of uncertainty. "She told me that we can never live our lives happily and wholly if all we ever focus on is duty."

Yaten continued to look doubtful, so Seiya sighed, running a hand through her hair.

"Look…that’s why Taiki and I bought you the cat, okay?" Yaten glanced up, eyes widening in surprise at Seiya’s words. "We thought Shiruku would make you happy, so even though we knew that having her might not be the *best* thing, considering our duty…we wanted to get her for you. Sometimes, you do things like that…things that don’t make too much sense or that have a bad side to them, because they make you happy enough that the bad stuff doesn’t matter…"

She trailed off, smiling as she saw the confusion in Yaten’s eyes. She reached up and gently brushed Yaten’s bangs back, away from her face, exposing Yaten’s bright green eyes fully.

"Listen…I’m not trying to pressure you into anything…you asked the question, so I answered," Seiya said, her smile just as gentle as her touch as her thumb lightly stroked Yaten’s cheek. "Obviously you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to…it’s your body, and you should do whatever makes you feel comfortable. Like I said…if you find that you want to go through your life being celibate…hey, that’s fine. Whatever works for you."

She let her hand drop away and was about to turn away when she felt Yaten’s hand touch her arm.

"Seiya…" Yaten whispered quietly, and Seiya turned back, surprised to see that Yaten’s head was turned down, as though she was ashamed of something.

"E? What’s wrong?"

"Sorry…for yelling. I really…don’t know about these things at all, just like you said."

"It’s okay," Seiya said with a soft smile, lightly rubbing Yaten’s arm. "Sorry I snapped too."

Seiya slid off the bed a bit hesitantly, surprised to find that when it came right down to it, she really didn’t want to leave. Yaten still seemed confused…but Seiya felt as though it would have been awkward to stay just then, given what they’d been talking about and given some of the things Seiya had been feeling lately, towards Yaten…it could lead to serious trouble.

But just as she reached the door, and placed her hand on the handle…

"Seiya."

She stopped, surprised by the breathy voice that hailed her, and quickly turned back. She caught her breath, even more surprised by the way Yaten looked at her almost longingly, wide green eyes sorrowful and almost…pleading.

"Seiya…I…" Yaten began, but then she saw the surprise on Seiya’s face and she stopped, closing her eyes and turning away. "No…never mind. It’s stupid anyway."

"I’m sure it’s not stupid," Seiya said, taking a few steps forward. "What is it, Yaten?"

Yaten hesitated for another moment before she opened her eyes and took a deep breath, trying to push down the shyness she felt at asking a question like this.

"Seiya…I…would you…" She blushed, a gentle pink spreading over her cheeks as she turned her eyes up to meet Seiya’s. "I…don’t know how to ask this…but if you could just…like last night…"

Seiya blinked, then smiled slightly, quickly putting two and two together.

"E? You were wondering if I could stay with you tonight?"

Yaten nodded, closing her eyes and letting out a slow breath.

"Pretty stupid, ne? It’s just that tonight I feel…"

"Really lonely and homesick?" Seiya suggested, and Yaten glanced up in surprise, catching her breath when she saw the momentary struggle that went on in Seiya’s own eyes before Seiya closed them. "Yeah…I feel it too. It’s…been a rough day. But especially for you. But…are you sure you want me to stay? I’m the one who’s caused you so much trouble…"

Yaten nodded, still a bit hesitantly, and blinked in surprise when she saw the brilliance of Seiya’s smile in response to Yaten’s affirmation.

"All right…in that case, just wait there…I need to go change into my night clothes," Seiya said, gesturing for Yaten to stay where she was as Seiya moved to the door. "I’ll be right back."

Yaten got up slowly, stretching herself in an attempt to get rid of some of the tension her earlier anger had caused, and then she turned down the bed and got under the covers, sitting up against her pillows and waiting for Seiya’s return. She glanced up a few minutes later when she heard the door open, and she watched, a soft smile coming to her lips, as Shiruku bounded into the room ahead of Seiya.

"Look who decided to join us," Seiya said with a grin as she came into the room and shut the door, then turned back. Her grin widened when she saw that Shiruku had already jumped onto the bed and was snuggling up in Yaten’s lap. If it seemed unusual to the cat that her owner had switched sexes and possessed a somewhat different scent, particularly when it came to matters such as hormones and pheromones, Shiruku didn’t seem to care.

Yaten glanced up, her fingers idly scratching Shiruku’s chin as Yaten watched Seiya cross the room towards the bed. Seiya had changed into a pair of boxer shorts and a white T-shirt, exactly as she might have if she had taken her male form. Yaten smiled a bit, seeing the big, cartoonish rainbows all over Seiya’s neon-colored shorts.

"What’re you grinning at?" Seiya asked, her tone lightly teasing as she shoved Yaten over a bit and put down her own pillows, then started to climb under the covers.

"You," Yaten answered simply, her smile remaining as she settled back against the bed and watched Seiya energetically punching her pillows, making a big show of getting them just perfect.

"Why? Because I’m so cute?" Seiya teased, turning to lift an eyebrow at Yaten.

"Yes," Yaten responded, nodding, grin widening when Seiya stared at her, obviously startled by her answer. She chuckled quietly when Seiya suddenly blushed and lay down, pulling up the covers and then reaching over to turn out the bedside lamp.

"Ano…oyasumi," Seiya whispered into the darkness, and then she lay there under the covers, holding her breath, not quite sure what else to do or say.

She heard Yaten shifting around on the bed, trying to get comfortable, and watched as a small shadow---Shiruku---moved around a bit before finally settling in a little ball at the foot of the bed. Seiya vowed to be careful and try not to kick the tiny cat during the night.

Yaten finally sighed quietly, lying on her back and staring at the ceiling before she turned on her side and focused her gaze on Seiya. Seiya felt like Yaten’s cool green eyes were burning into her; they seemed impossibly bright in the darkness of the room.

She was about to ask what was wrong and whether she could help when she heard Yaten take in a quick breath and instantly silenced the words on her own tongue, sure that Yaten was about to speak.

"Seiya…" Yaten whispered, and Seiya turned, meeting Yaten’s eyes.

"What?"

"Would you…" Yaten stopped and swallowed before forcing herself to finish, "…hold me the way you did last night?"

Seiya blinked, startled by the question, then noticed the way Yaten was biting her lip, hard enough that it probably hurt. She realized that for Yaten, making a request like that was probably as difficult as it had been for Seiya to lie there in the dark, trying to tell herself that it was best to stay on her side of the bed and not touch Yaten, no matter how much she wanted to take the smaller woman in her arms…

"Sure…of course," Seiya whispered, turning on her side and opening her arms. She let out a quick, startled breath when Yaten rushed into them, letting out a sound almost towards a whimper as she pressed herself close against Seiya, wrapping her arms around Seiya’s back. Seiya quickly tried to calm her breathing and her racing heart; her entire body jumped at Yaten’s sudden closeness, warmth spinning through her blood. But all she really wanted right now was to hold Yaten, just as Yaten had asked…nothing more than that. She let out a slow breath, closing her eyes and bending to nuzzle her nose into Yaten’s silken soft hair, inhaling the gentle fragrance of soap and olive blossoms. Her hands lightly stroked along Yaten’s arms before she closed her arms warmly around Yaten’s back and pulled her a little closer, into a more secure position, their legs tangling.

"It’s all right now," Seiya murmured, lifting a hand to lightly stroke through Yaten’s hair, still loose from its ponytail, the job of brushing it only half done. She ran her fingers through it slowly and soothingly until the last remaining knots were gone and she could feel Yaten’s breathing becoming slow and even against her chest.

"Seiya…arigatou…" Yaten mumbled sleepily just moments before her body relaxed in Seiya’s grip, becoming entirely slack, and Seiya smiled, arms gently cradling the sleeping angel as she lifted her hand and brushed Yaten’s silvery bangs back away from her pale cheeks. She peered down at Yaten’s face, her lips full and pouty in her sleep, face babyish and devoid of worry now.

This…had become more than a crush or an infatuation. The farther it went the more Seiya realized it. It was even more than the odd sexual obsession she had presumed it at first, when she had thought of it with nothing more than shame. This was…something else.

/Healer…why do I feel this for you, now?/

With a gentle sigh that lightly stirred the silvery strands of hair back over Yaten’s face, Seiya leaned down and placed a soft kiss to the centre of Yaten’s forehead, careful not to wake the older girl. When Yaten did nothing more than stir slightly against her and then settle more firmly against Seiya’s chest, Seiya let out another quiet breath and leaned back against the pillows, wrapping her arms a little more firmly around Yaten’s waist before she closed her eyes and determined to at least try to get to sleep. But truthfully…she knew she probably had a long night ahead of her.

/Why *now*?/

*****

END PART TWELVE