Fandom: Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon: Sailor Stars (anime)
Date Finished:
Classification: Romance, Humor, Angst
Pairing: Seiya/Yaten, references to past Fighter/Kakyuu, shades of Seiya/Usagi
Rating: NC-17

Give Unto Me
By Elsewhere
elsewherecw@shaw.ca

All other information in Part One.

Section II: Fallen

Part Seventeen: Ascension of the Spirit

Glossary:
ano - um
baka - idiot
e? - huh?
konnichiwa - hello (good afternoon)
na - a masculine usage of ‘ne’
ne - sort of like ‘eh’ or ‘hey’…a word used to emphasize a point or get someone’s attention
ohayou - good morning
oi - hey

*****
Cast me not away
Say you’ll be with me
For I know I cannot bear it all alone
~You’re not alone, honey…never. Never…~
*****

As Yaten began to drift towards consciousness that morning, the first feelings that greeted her awareness were a comforting sensation of warmth and an accompanying security. In the dreamlike state halfway between sleep and wakefulness she could accept these feelings at face value, without the suspicion her usual defense mechanisms would have demanded, but as the morning sunlight spilling through the crack in the curtains slowly began to penetrate the fog of her sleepiness, she started to realize that feeling warmth and security…particularly this early in the morning…was completely abnormal. At least, it was abnormal for her. Was this a new way for her psyche to torture her? A false sense of security to make her feel like she wasn’t alone?

She opened her eyes and blinked several times, surprised to feel the pressure of tears behind her eyelids. She tried to bring up a hand to wipe her eyes, but quickly found that she couldn’t move her arms very well. She felt her stomach clench, her body instantly rebelling at the sensation of being bound, but in the next instant she blinked as her mind started to catch up. She slowly lifted her head as she let her fingers curl around the sheets her hands rested against. If she pushed a little harder, she could feel something hard and unyielding---something like a human chest---underneath those sheets. As she lifted her eyes, a gasp came to her lips as her gaze came to rest on Seiya’s face, his features softened in sleep, raven locks messily strewn about his head and the bed surrounding his upper body. She figured out the rest quickly enough: it was his arms that held her bound tightly to his body, her legs tangled with his beneath the covers; he was the source of the warmth, and…

This time she did gasp aloud, pulling back so sharply that she managed to wrench herself free of his hold on her. She took the sheets with her, holding them defensively against her chest as her eyes widened. That sense of security she had felt earlier…had that been…!?

"Seiya…what’re you doing here!?" she whispered almost desperately down towards his sleeping form, and her voice must have been just loud enough to disturb his slumber, because a few seconds later she watched as he slowly turned, burying his face in the pillow for a moment before he turned and blinked groggily up towards her.

"Mm…ohayou," he murmured with a small smile. Something about that smile---about the way his soft lips curved ever so smoothly upwards, and the way his warm eyes sparkled in the sunlight---made Yaten’s heart race for a moment. She clutched the sheets tighter against her chest.

"What’re you doing here!?" she said again, more sharply this time, her brow furrowing. She had become painfully aware, in the moments since she’d moved away from him, that she was still naked. Brief thoughts of what she’d been doing before she fell asleep the night before made her ears burn and she hurriedly pushed the thoughts aside.

"Ah…ano…" Seiya said, smile fading a bit as he slowly got up to sit cross-legged across from her. Her eyes narrowed as she watched him drop his eyes, not meeting her gaze. "Well, the truth is…I came to check on you last night, to see if you’d fallen asleep all right…and when I came in, you were talking in your sleep. You said my name…and you asked me not to go…so…"

She caught her breath. Usually she would have yelled at him, accusing him of lying, and she probably would have thrown him out of her room and told him to stop living in a fantasy world. But she could vaguely remember dreaming last night…disturbing dreams where she was left entirely alone…dreams where she called out Seiya’s name, but he ignored her, turning around and walking away…

"…Did I?" she murmured finally, staring at the hand that had fallen to her lap, one hand still holding the sheets to her chest.

"…Yeah," Seiya said quietly, glancing up, surprised that he hadn’t been called a liar. He was shocked to see the sadness on her face, and the glazed over look of resignation in her eyes. "I…at first I thought you were awake, talking to me. I didn’t know you talked in your sleep."

"We all have our embarrassing habits," Yaten said dryly, sighing and closing her eyes before running her free hand through her hair.

Seiya laughed.

"Yeah. Anyway, I decided…well, I don’t know what I decided. I didn’t want to leave you when you’d sort of asked me not to, even if it was in your sleep, so I got in with you. Do you…do you mind?"

His eyes were wider than usual, questioning her, almost as though he expected to be punished. She looked at him for a moment before she sighed again and shook her head.

"No, I don’t mind," she said simply, and she watched as a wide smile of relief and happiness broke over his face. Watching his bruised face uneasily move into such a smile finally completely drew her attention to its state, and her eyes snapped back to his face so quickly that his smile faded.

"Yaten? What…?"

"Stars, Seiya, your face…" Yaten murmured, a quiet note of distress in her voice as she lifted both hands towards him. He caught his breath as she lightly touched his battered cheek, examining the bruise, her forehead furrowing.

"It’s nothing, really. I’ll be fine," Seiya said quickly.

"I know you’ll be fine, baka, but your face…we have a concert tomorrow, you know," she said, frowning more deeply as she touched an especially red, raw place and Seiya flinched.

"Yes, I know," Seiya muttered, rolling his eyes as he took her hands and pushed them away, thinking to himself that he should have realized she was more concerned about Three Lights’ public image than anything else. Suddenly he stopped, holding her hands just in front of his face. Just for a second there, he thought he had caught something…some kind of intriguing fragrance…

He tilted his head down and lightly sniffed at her fingertips, and the instant he did so, his head shot back up again. /You’re kidding…!!/ Her hands smelled incredible, a scent that to him seemed so enticing it was irresistible, and because it possessed some underlying musk that wasn’t that different from his own---when he was a woman, his thoughts hastily corrected, his ears reddening slightly---he recognized it instantly. /G…Gods, Yaten…you can’t possibly…/ His mouth suddenly felt very dry, and he felt parts of his body tightening uncomfortably as he stared at Yaten’s face. Something about his stare must have given away his thoughts, because he watched as a lovely pink blush moved over Yaten’s cheeks.

"What?" Yaten said snappishly, sharply pulling her hands out of Seiya’s grasp. "Weirdo."

"A…ah. Sorry," Seiya whispered, quickly clearing his throat, trying not to sound so hoarse.

Yaten continued to glare at him for several seconds in a tense silence, and he finally decided he had no choice but to break the ice somehow, despite the fact that he felt like his heart was in his throat.

"Heh…look at the time," he said, leaning over Yaten a bit to glance at her radio clock. "I guess Taiki came in and turned off your alarm, eh?"

He’d leaned just close enough that Yaten, feeling more defensive than usual because of the circumstances, had lifted a hand to his chest, trying to push him away. She opened her mouth to snap at him, but before she could think of anything to say, his words sank in.

"…E?" She turned, and her eyes widened when she saw the huge red numbers of her clock, informing her that it was nearly ten o’clock in the morning.

"Look…there’s a note," Seiya said, leaning over a bit farther to pick a sticky note off of the side of the radio. Yaten caught her breath at the way Seiya’s body pressed hers to the bed for a moment before he sat upright again, his eyes scanning the note. "It says, ‘I thought both of you could use a day’s rest. Be sure to make the most of it. I’ll bring homework home for you.’ Typical Taiki."

Seiya laughed as he dropped the note back onto the bedside table and then leaned back against the pillows, turning to look at Yaten, who was still blushing.

"I guess you got stuck with taking care of me again," Seiya said with a smile and a wink. When Yaten only blinked, Seiya chuckled. "I’m kidding…I can take care of myself now. All I needed was some rest."

Seiya closed his eyes and rolled onto his back, then snapped his eyes back open again when he felt Yaten’s cool hand against his forehead once again.

"I’m not so sure," Yaten murmured. Her cheeks were still pinker than normal, but she seemed to have calmed down a bit. He turned to her questioningly. "I’m still concerned. Taiki was right…you probably shouldn’t be left alone."

Yaten slid back across the bed.

"Is there anything I can get you?" she asked, her voice still a low murmur.

Seiya reached out to grab Yaten’s hand, and she turned back, surprised.

"No…I don’t want you to get anything," Seiya said with a warm smile. "Thank you…for being kind to me, Yaten."

Yaten blinked again, and Seiya laughed, reaching out to tousle Yaten’s hair. Yaten frowned, automatically reaching up to straighten her bangs in the wake of Seiya’s mauling.

"You’re so cute," Seiya said with a grin, to which Yaten’s frown only deepened. Once again, she was just about to give him a piece of her mind when she was cut off. She caught her breath, her entire body going stiff, as he shifted a bit closer on the bed and wrapped his arms around her, leaning in until she could feel his breath against her collarbone.

"S…Seiya…?" she whispered helplessly as she reluctantly let her hands come to rest on his shoulders. She could feel his arms against the skin of her back and the warmth of his body along her front---there was only a thin sheet between them---and she could feel an instant, heart-pounding sense of panic flooding her senses. His emotions provided only a mild balance…he was incredibly relaxed, and so obviously trusting in her that he provided a complete counterpoint to her own nervous reaction.

"I’m still really tired," he murmured, nuzzling his nose a little bit against her bare shoulder and hugging her a little tighter. "Since we’ve got the day off, let’s go back to sleep for a little while…na?"

He said it casually, but the way he paused and held still against her afterwards showed that he was aware of the probability of rejection. Certainly, that was Yaten’s first instinct…to throw him off of her and yell at him to get away. She didn’t like this feeling of discomfort---of not knowing what to do. She was naked, and she was female and he was male, and he was holding her so closely…she could feel that sense of comfort and ease he felt, being so close to her, and it made her breath catch in her throat. Why couldn’t she feel that ease? Was it because of this desire he made her feel, even now, just holding her like this? She found herself clutching his shirt in her fist, pressing herself a bit closer even as her mind told her to get away. She knew that if she made the wrong move, everything would be revealed, and she couldn’t let that happen, but…just for a moment, it really did feel so good to hold him, and to be held by him…

"Ju…just for a while," she whispered awkwardly, closing her eyes and leaning down to press her nose against his hair for a moment. She could lightly smell the lilac shampoo he used, but beyond that, she gently inhaled the comforting fragrance of olive blossoms. The scent relaxed her almost instantly, and she let herself melt against him. Within a few moments she felt his breathing become a slow, even pace where it puffed out against her skin, and she glanced down, almost smiling when she saw the way his battered face had relaxed into a near-pout in sleep. She brushed his bangs back from his forehead, checking his temperature again, before she carefully maneuvered herself in his arms until she was facing away from him. Somehow, it felt safer this way.

Only a few moments passed before he snuggled up behind her, arms sliding more firmly around her waist as his breath warmed the nape of her neck, and she sighed. But she couldn’t help but feel a bit relieved to be so close to him again. Somehow, being there, within the warmth of his arms and the comfort of his caring, she felt at ease enough to let herself start the slow slide back towards unconsciousness.

*****

By the time she finally rolled over and cracked open her eyes, yawning mightily and stretching as she slowly sat up, the room was beautifully lit, the sun straining to press through the pastel blue curtains. After making absolutely sure that she was alone, Yaten slid from the bed and padded over to the closet to retrieve her dressing gown, then paused only briefly to put on her slippers before she made her way to the window. She was tempted to open the curtains---a mere peek through the slit that had flapped open at some point was only tantalizing enough to make her want to see more of the beautiful day outside---but she knew that in her present state that would have been dangerous. If anyone were to see her…particularly if any fans or reporters were lurking outside the house, which wasn’t unknown to happen…

She sighed quietly as she closed the curtains firmly and brushed her hair out of her eyes. As she brought her hand close to her face, she was reminded again of her actions the night before, and she felt her cheeks reddening as she quickly clasped her hands together against her chest. She made her way to the bathroom like that, glancing around furtively to make sure no one saw her moving around the house like a fugitive, then quickly shut and locked the door behind herself. She let out a breath as she leaned against the door for a moment, wondering at her own actions. What was she so worried about? Would it be so terrible if Seiya realized what she had been doing? Was it even so embarrassing?

/And since when have I blushed so easily? Like a damn schoolgirl,/ she thought irritably, feeling her face burning hot as she bent to wash her hands, taking extra care, a frown creasing her forehead as she focused on the task.

After she’d finished with her few morning ablutions she made her way downstairs, still in her dressing gown, intent on getting at least a glass of orange juice before she faced the prospect of tasks that required exerting effort, like showering or getting dressed. Taiki had offered her a day to be lazy, and she intended to take full advantage of it. Besides, the thought of how Seiya’s face had looked the last time she’d seen him---awake, that is---lingered in her thoughts. She wanted to check on him.

As she shuffled down the last of the stairs, her eyes lit on Seiya, sprawled out on the couch watching television.

"Ohayou," she said softly, lifting a hand as she turned to head into the kitchen.

"Konnichiwa," Seiya returned, turning to offer her a smirk that twisted his bruised face badly. "It’s far too late for ‘ohayou’."

Yaten blinked at this response, turning to glance at the kitchen’s clock as she realized she’d never actually checked the clock in her room. Her mouth dropped open when she saw that it was nearly two o’clock.

"Two o’clock?" Yaten said, turning to glare at Seiya. "Why didn’t you wake me up?"

"You looked like you needed the rest," Seiya said, looking a bit smug as he turned back to the TV. "You must’ve gotten your thirteen hours last night, na?"

Yaten continued to glare at him for a few seconds before she finally turned to get her orange juice. After she’d finished it---she was extremely thirsty, and no wonder, if she’d slept so long---she slowly made her way into the living room, waiting until Seiya acknowledged her by sitting up, freeing room on the couch for her.

"You’re the one who needed rest," Yaten reminded him crisply as she slid up next to him, moving close enough that he glanced towards her, obviously surprised by the invasion of personal space. "And *you’re* the one who wanted to sleep in. Now, turn this way."

"Huh?" was Seiya’s initial, intelligent response, but he did obediently turn his head towards her, not that she gave him much choice as she reached up with both hands, placing them carefully on either side of his face. "Oi…"

"Hold still and let me look at you," Yaten said as patiently as she could, focusing her gaze briefly on his eyes, checking for similarity to how he had looked the night before while he had been concussed. He looked totally different now, which relieved her no end. She then moved her attention to his skin, and deeper, allowing small tendrils of his surface emotions to filter through her barriers so she could feel how much pain he was in.

"Yaten…you don’t have to do that…I’m fine," Seiya said, trying to pull away.

"I said stay still," Yaten said, her tone becoming more commanding, and Seiya subsided with a grumble, his eyes uneasily coming to rest on her face. She noted that he seemed uncomfortable with how close she was to his face. Truthfully she wasn’t too happy about it either; for some reason her eyes kept being drawn towards his lips. He had a small split in his bottom lip that looked sore and red. The urge to press her lips to that spot…was that some lost mothering instinct awakening in her, or further evidence of this odd attraction she’d been feeling lately?

Just as she was thinking these things, she felt the sudden brush of his fingers against her forehead, moving some of her hair out of her eyes. She caught his gaze quickly, sucking in her breath, caught off balance by his sudden motion.

"Sorry…I didn’t mean to startle you," he said with a slight smile, his cheeks slightly tense with the pain she could now tell he was trying to hide…she could feel it pounding slowly into her own head now, beyond her barriers, the more she allowed it. "I don’t know why I did that, actually…it just bothered me…I couldn’t see your eyes."

"…Mm," she murmured with a silent nod before she touched her hand to his forehead and then moved her hands into her lap. "Seiya…"

"What is it?" he asked, catching his own breath and holding it, as though he thought she had something really important to say. She glanced at him a bit sharply, searching his face, but couldn’t find anything that helped her sort her own thoughts out, so she reverted back to what was easiest…what she had meant to say in the first place.

"You’re actually…in a lot of pain, aren’t you?" It came out quieter than she had intended, and she had meant to lace her voice with the usual amount of curt sarcasm, but somehow she’d lost the will.

"What? What makes you th…" he began weakly, stopping when she closed her eyes and shook her head.

"Please, Seiya…don’t insult me. This is part of my talent."

He was silent for a moment before he let his head drop back to rest against the couch.

"Heh. You’re right…I’m sorry, Yaten. I just…don’t want you to worry about me. I don’t want to…"

"…be a burden?" Yaten whispered, recalling words Seiya had spoken over the last few weeks.

Seiya nodded, eyes closed.

Yaten was silent. She wanted to open her mouth, to shout the words that tugged against her heart---/You could never be a burden!/---but she felt like she’d be giving something away if she did that, and some lingering sense of selfishness---or maybe simply self-preservation---kept her from saying anything.

In the end all she did was turn to him and, with a quiet sigh, ask softly, "Would you lie on your back?"

"Why?" he asked, even as he turned and stretched himself out on the couch as he’d been asked to, keeping his knees lifted until Yaten got up, giving him the space to stretch out his legs.

"I’m going to heal you," Yaten said calmly as she knelt next to the couch and bent to place her hands just above his face.

Only a moment had passed in silence, just long enough for Yaten to set up the flow of energy from her hands to his injuries, before Seiya started to speak. His voice was a bit shaky, as though he was nervous; whether because of the healing treatment, because of the silence between them, or some other reason, Yaten wasn’t sure.

"You know, I couldn’t sleep in too long because I couldn’t stop thinking about last night," Seiya remarked almost conversationally.

Yaten couldn’t help but stiffen, although she was far enough into the healing process by then that she didn’t allow it to be affected.

"Last night?" she asked, trying to sound nonchalant. What if he *had* realized what she’d done last night? What if he even knew that she’d been outside the bathroom when he’d…?

"Yeah. When you mentioned that there’s someone you’re interested in," Seiya explained, and Yaten felt some of the tension in her shoulders release, even as new tension caused knots to form in her stomach.

"I didn’t mention any such thing; you made that up," she pointed out, keeping her voice steady and her eyes closed.

"Really? So you don’t have a crush on anyone?" Seiya asked, sounding mildly amused now.

"No! I don’t have…crushes. Do I seem like the type?" Yaten said with a mild frown.

"No, not at all…which is why I was so surprised," Seiya said, now sounding like he was smirking. "I spent all night thinking about what kind of person could finally have attracted your attention. And you know…someone *really* must have attracted you for you to come to me to ask about how it works."

Yaten felt her eyebrow twitch in irritation the more Seiya talked on.

"Because Yaten, why would you ask me something like that unless you wanted some kind of advice on how to begin a relationship with this person? No…I don’t really believe you when you say there’s no one you’re interested in. I think you were asking for your own benefit."

"That’s not the reason!" Yaten sputtered, opening eyes flashing with annoyance to glare down at Seiya.

"Then what was the reason?" he asked, tilting his head and giving her a genuinely curious look.

Yaten fumbled with her words for a moment as she tried to decide what to say. /What if…I was trying to understand my own feelings somehow…what if…I didn’t know what I was doing and I still don’t…/

"Were you trying to figure out your own feelings?" Seiya asked, his voice growing quieter.

Yaten felt her throat closing as she stared down into his eyes, such a clear, bright blue, peering up into her eyes so searchingly. What could he see there? Did he know the answers to all his questions and he was only trying to make her admit them out loud?

"You asked to make sure that what you were feeling was actually attraction, right?" Seiya pressed, lifting an eyebrow and offering a gentle smile, a smile that made some part of Yaten’s resolve die.

"You don’t have to look so sad about it," Seiya said a moment later, the smile gone from his face as he stared at her. By then she was looking downward, her hands fallen to her lap. "There’s nothing wrong with…"

"Nothing will ever come of it," Yaten said, so softly that at first Seiya wasn’t sure she’d actually spoken. He sat up and leaned down towards her, placing a hand on her shoulder.

"Hey…what’d you say?"

"I…I said, nothing will ever come of it," Yaten said a bit more loudly, lifting her head but keeping her eyes closed. She didn’t want to see his face as she said this; she was afraid she’d give the secret away if she did. He seemed to know her far better than she realized; she couldn’t trust him not to read her emotions clearly in her eyes.

"Why not?" Seiya asked, sounding surprised. "Yaten, just ‘cause you’re inexperienced doesn’t mean it’s impossible…"

"That’s not it," Yaten said, sighing as she shook her head.

"Then why?" Seiya asked, frowning as he thought about it for a second and then his expression cleared. Whoever Yaten had fallen for, they had to be Earthian, and Yaten was uncomfortable with Earth people for the most part. Even though this person had to be pretty special to have attracted Yaten’s attention, their origins might still pose a difficulty.

"Is it because…" he paused, remembering Yaten’s exclamation about Seiya and Taiki’s assumption that Yaten would be infatuated with a female, "…the person…is from Earth?"

Yaten smiled slightly, thinking that things would perhaps be simpler if that was the only problem.

"No…that’s not the problem."

Seiya blinked.

"Well…then what’s the problem?"

Yaten sighed again, dropping her head as she contemplated whether it was wise to tell Seiya the truth or not. Finally she decided that there was no turning back from the point they’d reached in the conversation now.

"It’s…we’re…friends. I could never risk our relationship for the sake of some foolish…hormonal reaction of mine," Yaten said, keeping her voice as even as she could as she stated her case.

Seiya blinked again, letting this information sink in. He decided to tackle the matter of whether what Yaten was feeling was just a ‘foolish hormonal reaction’ later and instead focused on what he felt was the most important point.

"Your friendship with this person is *that* important?" he asked, a note of awe in his voice. Which human had Yaten managed to get that close to without them noticing? He felt a pulse of jealousy move through him and tried to push it aside.

"That’s right," Yaten said firmly, turning to pin Seiya’s gaze with her own. She felt confident enough now that she had hidden her emotions behind her usual barriers.

Seiya was silent for a moment, letting everything Yaten had revealed to him fall into place in his mind before he finally took a breath and spoke again.

"Believe it or not, I can actually understand that…I actually feel the same way about someone right now," Seiya said softly, glancing down at his hands.

Yaten glanced at him sharply again, but she couldn’t figure out from his tone or posture who he was talking about, so she gave up, letting her shoulders slump slightly.

"I think maybe the best thing to do in this situation…or the only thing to do…is wait, and watch and see what happens," Seiya continued, looking up to smile gently at Yaten just long enough that she felt her heart tighten again before Seiya turned his head to look towards the TV, which had sat muted and ignored ever since Yaten had joined Seiya in the living room.

"Well…let me finish healing your face," Yaten said quietly after a few minutes, and Seiya nodded silently, staying still as Yaten slid around in front of him. This time he closed his eyes and remained still as she completed the procedure, pouring all her energy into it until she was satisfied, both with the results and with her own sense of mild exhaustion.

When she opened her eyes to visually confirm the results of the treatment, she almost smiled when she noticed that Seiya had started to doze off, his head lolling forward slightly.

"Seiya," she murmured, and he lifted his head abruptly, smiling when he saw the way she was looking at him.

"Ah…sorry…did I fall asleep?"

"Yes…it’s fine. Just get to bed before you do that, ne? I’ll help you." She got to her feet and then bent, pulling him up. He waved her off once he was standing, but she kept a close eye on him as they went up the stairs, noticing that he was wavering, obviously affected by the amount of energy she had poured into his body. She took him to his room and stayed close as he made his way to his bed.

He faltered a couple of steps from the bed, stumbling, and she was behind him in an instant, holding him up. He glanced at her, prepared with a smirk and a remark about how stupid it was of him to be acting like this now after having had such a great sleep the night before…but when he saw the soft, earnest look of concern on her face he found himself speechless. Not only that, but he felt himself start to tremble as she murmured something about how he should be careful and helped him get into bed.

"I’m going to take a quick shower…just sleep, okay? Don’t try to move around too much yet," she advised him, her hand resting briefly on his forehead. He nodded sleepily but remained silent, so she smiled and turned to make her way to the bathroom.

Left alone, he had a few moments before he fell asleep to wonder why he was trembling…it felt like more than simple yearning, a feeling he’d grown accustomed to when he was around Yaten. He had to wonder, in those last few seconds before he drifted away, whether he had become so sensitive to contact and to kindness that he couldn’t help but quake in its presence…whether he had become so afraid of the rejection or simple loss of other people, and somehow afraid of himself and his own ability to cause people to leave…that when someone approached him with basic compassion he couldn’t help but react with uncertainty, even fear.

He would forget these thoughts by the time he woke up. He wasn’t much of a philosopher…he was a sixteen year old, and these were thoughts a sixteen year old shouldn’t have to contemplate. Or so he would tell himself, one day, thinking back on why he didn’t notice the signs of how surely he was leading himself down the path to a certain kind of destruction, in those days on Earth.

*****

For nearly ten minutes, Yaten found that she could hardly move. She stood under the shower spray, turned up as hot as she could stand it, and shivered, her arms hugging herself, her eyes glazed over as she thought of Seiya’s eyes. In those last moments, as she’d led him to his bed…he’d looked up at her with such liquid, bright blue eyes, eyes that told her a million things, very few of which she could comprehend. That uncertain, shaky gratitude; that yearning, the request to lean a little closer, hold a little tighter /please don’t leave me/ but at the same time some kind of resistance /you shouldn’t be near me/; and that horrible, naked glimpse of fear.

What could Seiya have to fear in her? All of this aside…all of their years as friends and partners, as senshi…they were beyond the ability to fear each other, weren’t they? If they had become so warped by their experiences---by what they’d had to do, and by coming to this place---that they began to fear each other…they would be lost…

She stood there, thinking of these things, shivering and trying to understand, until somehow the image of Seiya’s warm eyes---the cobalt eyes that would sparkle and shimmer as he smiled at her, joked with her and accused her of having a crush---replaced the newer, frightening image in her mind. These eyes comforted her to some extent, but also, the more she thought about them, her own eyes closed, connecting them with memories of time spent with him…the more she began to feel an uneasiness in her belly.

The warmth in his eyes…when had it gained the ability to make her feel so warm? She leaned back against the tiles now, no longer shivering at all, letting her arms relax as she focused all her energy on the images in her mind. She could feel that warmth from her shoulders all the way down to her toes, focusing in places she associated---the hands she’d healed him with blazed with warmth; she could almost feel the sensation of him pressed against her back, as he had that morning. And that warmth spread…once it started she couldn’t seem to stop it, and she found she didn’t want to…until it was pulsing deep in her belly and between her legs, and her head was pounding, the image floating in her mind, becoming little other than the blue of his eyes as she started to lose focus.

She slid to the bottom of the tub before she knew it and leaned back, taking a few deep breaths as she let the water beat down on her stomach and breasts. If she opened her legs, the warm water seeped between them, and the sensation produced was startling to her…something jumped within her. She felt the urge to open her eyes, as though there was something to see, but she kept them closed, wanting to keep what she had left of her fragmented image…the all-encompassing blue that had created this sensation in the first place. Without it, would she lose it?

It seemed natural at that point, particularly following from what she’d learned the night before, to let her hands pass down her body, sliding in the warm water. Her palms paused over her breasts. She could feel that her nipples were hard and when her palms grazed them she felt a twinge of something shoot down her spine, so she stopped for a moment, rubbing her breasts lightly to test. The sensation was intriguing, but it wasn’t enough to interest her at that moment; she knew where she was headed this time.

When her hand first dipped between her legs she gasped, pulling her thighs together to entrap the arm. There was that place again…if she pushed her fingers through the flesh, she could find that place, that button of flesh that somehow made her jump as though she’d been shocked with electricity. This time she kept her thumb on that place as she lowered her other fingers and explored downwards, testing how it felt to probe certain areas, until part of one of her fingers slid almost by accident ever so lightly into her vagina. She paused at that, startled again by the oddity of this sensation. She could feel that she hadn’t pushed very deep, but still, she was sensitive enough that she was aware now of an inward sensation of something from outside that almost felt like it had momentarily become a part of her body.

The sensation was so strange that she decided to test it again, this time choosing her slim index finger and slowly sliding it farther. She surprised herself by letting out a soft groan, breathy with shock. It really did feel so odd…so paradoxical…like there was some kind of invasive force from outside her body that wasn’t meant to be inside…but it melted inside so easily and caused ripples of that pleasurable sensation she was getting addicted to to move through her body. She could feel her own walls contracting around the digit, accepting it, and she had to close her eyes again before she could bring herself to move farther. Somehow while she was this focused on her own motions, it seemed even more intense than last night.  

She’d only pushed another few centimetres when she started to feel the same burning sensation from the night before, a raw kind of pain that seared its way underneath the tendrils of pleasant sensation. She winced and stopped, waiting a moment and holding her breath until it stopped before she continued, but the pain returned.

Yaten was not a person who liked pain, and it was worse than it had been last night. It took her only a few seconds to decide that this had become too risky to continue, and she leaned back against the tiles again, trying to relax as she gently started to remove her finger. She stopped, eyes flying open, however, when she felt her muscles clenching again, and another surprised sound escaped her mouth at the feelings that moved through her body.

Something Taiki had once told her about friction flashed through her mind before she dismissed it as irrelevant and decided that this was too much to ignore after all. She had felt more on trying to retract her finger than on inserting it. The only way to find out why was to try again…so she did, again moving slowly to push her finger back inside to the point where she felt some pain again before she took a breath and started to pull her finger back out. Then she remembered doing this the night before without even thinking…pumping her fingers in and out, and it feeling *so* good…

She was shaking by the time she’d completed this step. /Friction,/ she thought again, briefly. /It’s the movement of my finger against my skin in there…it must be sensitive to this…but the inward and outward motions create the most friction./

She tried it a few more times, keeping the hypothesis at the back of her mind, even though her reason was starting to fail her even as she grew a little more confident. Her motions were no longer quite as slow, and by the time she’d repeated the simple procedure several times and the sensations that made her quiver with anticipation and need had only increased each time, she was convinced.

Within the next few minutes, she found herself losing her presence of mind. She couldn’t remember when she had moved from leaning back against the tiles in the bathtub to being up on her knees, leaning forward on one hand while the other almost frantically repeated the in and out motion. She could feel her thighs shivering and her body tightening, responding to whatever it was that was building in response to this addicting sensation…and she could still feel that burning pain, but it was so very minimal now compared to everything else she was feeling…

She reached that point again, just as she had the night before, when she felt she was on the edge of something…that she couldn’t go any farther the way she was but had to reach some kind of apotheosis. And the more she started to realize that, the more she realized that this pleasure could well be never-ending…it seemed like a torture, to be feeling this and yet never reach that conclusion that she now felt certain must be *somewhere*, out of her reach. She felt on the edge of tears again, her fist gritted against the tiles as her other hand continued its task, and she tried to focus on something warm again and came back to Seiya’s eyes…to the blue. It encompassed her, warming her, and she felt that warmth…

And suddenly she stopped, letting herself drop her hand away and leaning back to lie on her back in the bathtub, her knees up, the cooling shower water washing over her. She hadn’t found that conclusion…somehow, thinking of the blue had convinced her she wouldn’t reach that conclusion; at least not today, not while she was this confused. She felt pained again, and somehow cheated, as though she’d lost something precious that had almost been hers, but she knew she had learned again from this encounter with herself.

Somehow she felt less miserable when she stepped out of the tub than she had when she’d gotten in.

*****

END PART SEVENTEEN