Fandom: Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon: Sailor Stars (anime)
Date Finished:
Classification: Romance, Humor, Angst
Pairing: Seiya/Yaten, references to past Fighter/Kakyuu, shades of Seiya/Usagi
Rating: NC-17

Give Unto Me
By Elsewhere
elsewherecw@shaw.ca

All other information in Part One.

Part Five: Forgive Me

Glossary:
baka - idiot
chi(ch’) - damn
chikusho - damn
e? - huh?
fuku - uniform
gomen nasai - I’m sorry
hai - yes; okay
ite - ow; ouch
itouto - younger brother
Juuban Koukou - Tenth Street High School
Kami-sama - God
kodoku - solitude; loneliness
koneko-chan - little kitten---when Haruka calls Usagi this, it has a possessive connotation: "My little kitten."
konnichiwa - hello
kuso - shit
ne - sort of like ‘eh’ or ‘hey’…a word used to emphasize a point or get someone’s attention
oi - hey
sensei - teacher

Tiny note: Apologies for borrowing a moment from another of my all-time favorite yaoi couples (Tsuzuki and Hisoka of Yami no Matsuei) for the beginning scene of this part. ;P

Embarrassing note: The song lyrics at the end of this part were written by me. I apologize; I realize they’re utterly sucktastic. I am neither a poet nor a songwriter, and make no claim towards either title. However, I needed to come up with something, and…*shrug* I think the song does passably well for the task at hand. I based the rhythm of it on Seiya’s songwriting style (from ‘Ginga Ichi Mibun Chigai na Kataomoi’) and the subject of the lyrics themselves on various sources, including the anime, Yaten’s prologue and poem (particularly the latter and the desperation you can hear in his voice as he speaks so harshly in it), and the various topics I’ve been exploring throughout this fanfic.

A couple of other notes about the song lyrics, to clarify:

- ‘Yatenkou’ as a phrase means ‘night sky light’. According to the site ‘Sheer Lunacy!’ (http://www.geocities.com/lunararchivist/), the phrase is specifically used in Japanese to refer to the "collective name for all the lights in the night sky."
 
- The notion of ‘burning perfectly’ comes from episode 176, in which Seiya is inspired by the director of the musical in which the Three Lights appeared to ‘burn himself perfectly’ in everything. Seiya is attempting to pass this sentiment on to Yaten.

*****
I’m so sick of speaking words
That no one understands
Is it clear enough
That you can’t live your whole life all alone
I can hear you when you whisper
But you can’t even hear me screaming
*****

"Seiya? Seiya!"

Yaten glanced up at the sound of the somewhat frantic whisper from a few desks over and grimaced when he saw Seiya fast asleep at his desk, the side of his face plastered to his notes. Usagi was poking his other cheek with the eraser end of her pencil as she whispered his name, but she wasn’t receiving any response.

Yaten sighed, glancing across the room, seeking and meeting Taiki’s gaze. At first Taiki looked just as chagrined as Yaten felt, but when Taiki saw the traces of guilt in Yaten’s expression, the look in his eyes softened and he smiled and shrugged, mouthing to Yaten that he shouldn’t worry about it.

"Tsukino-san," the teacher said abruptly, and Usagi quickly turned around. "What are you doing?"

"Um…nothing…not really anything!" Usagi said quickly, cheeks flushing a bit pink.

Judging by the scowl on the teacher’s face, he didn’t believe her.

"Seiya-san? Seiya-san!!" the teacher tried, when he realized that Seiya was asleep.

Yaten grumbled something to himself before deciding to take the matter into his own hands; otherwise, Seiya was likely to get himself into serious trouble. The last time the teacher had had to wake him up, Seiya had nearly brained the teacher with his desk.

"Oi, Seiya, wake up!!" Yaten yelled, hoisting his math textbook and lobbing it at Seiya’s head, aiming to just barely miss. Unfortunately, Seiya miraculously heard Yaten’s voice just seconds before and moved his head a few centimetres upwards, blinking sleepily.

"Hm…wha…?" he mumbled, and then his eyes widened as he saw what was about to hit him a split second before it did, right between the eyes.

Everyone in the classroom froze, then broke out into peals of loud laughter, including the teacher, who tried to hide his chuckles even as he helplessly tried to get everyone to settle down. Even Taiki was hiding his face, the unusual sound of his high-pitched giggles muffled behind his hands.

"I…te…" Seiya whispered slowly, rubbing at his forehead and making a face when Usagi made cooing noises---mainly to try to hide her laughter---and pulled his hands away, her tone becoming mothering as she asked to have a look.

"Oi, Seiya-san, I can’t believe you let your itouto bully you like that!" a male voice from the back of the classroom shouted out.

"Itouto!?" Seiya and Yaten both echoed, Seiya’s voice cracking into the higher registers.

Taiki’s giggles seemed to grow louder.

"Just a minute!" Yaten said, getting to his feet and picking up his second biggest text book. "Whoever said that…!!"

"Whoa, Yaten!" Seiya said, also starting to stand up before realizing he was a little dizzy and quickly sitting back down.

"All right, I think that’s enough!" the teacher said, finally holding up his hands. "Yaten-san, please sit down."

Yaten sat down quickly, and the class finally started to quiet down.

"Gomen nasai, sensei," Seiya and Yaten both muttered at the same time, and everyone chuckled one last time before the class finally managed to get back to work.

Yaten sighed as he retrieved his textbook and opened it to the appropriate page. It had been a week and a half since Taiki and Seiya had presented him with the kitten, and to say that Shiruku made him happy would have been the understatement of the century. Just as when he had had Luna for those few days not that long ago, now he had some form of companionship: someone he could talk to, someone he could cuddle…hmph, he supposed his band mates would never understand these kinds of needs. Well, maybe Taiki, who had been eyeing the teddy bears at a local store a little too closely lately. But certainly not *Seiya*. And Taiki had his own problems.

But as much pleasure as Shiruku brought him…she was also hell on Earth to the Three Lights’ formerly orderly lives. For nearly a week and a half now, one or all of the Lights had been up for part or all of every night with the cat, not to mention spending time with her during the parts of the day that she was with them at home or at the studio. Not only was she extremely active and forever climbing up onto the kitchen counters and dining room table, but they were still actively engaged in the difficult process of trying to train her to use the litterbox…or rather, Taiki and Seiya were engaged in that process. They had both assured Yaten that they didn’t mind taking care of that part of it, much to Yaten’s relief, but nonetheless, he could tell that it was frustrating them and they wanted it to be over with.

Not only that, but so far, Shiruku had managed to destroy, by means of tooth and claw, two pieces of furniture, a favorite set of curtains, countless designer suits, and various other items. The cost, of course, was negligible. The irritation…was not so negligible. Yaten could certainly understand, now, the sorts of ‘damages’ his band mates had been talking about having to take care of at Aino Minako’s house.

Naturally, as Taiki continued to look more and more tired and drawn and Seiya began to fall asleep in more and more classes, and as more and more homework and recording sessions were neglected…and most importantly, as the date for their next concert grew nearer and nearer…Yaten began to feel a little…edgy.

He tried to keep these thoughts from interfering with his concentration, but he found that he wasn’t really thinking much about math. Truthfully, he was spending more time glancing at the clock and rubbing at his eyes. If he was honest with himself, he was exhausted too, but more because of concern than anything else.

He was extremely relieved when the bell for lunch finally rang. He fully intended to spend the time alone as he usually did, sitting under his favorite tree with the volume of English stories that Mizuno Ami had given him, trying to get rid of all the confused thoughts in his mind so that he could focus on his studies that afternoon. But that plan was summarily ruined when, just moments after he’d sat down and was enjoying the sunlight, eyes closed, he heard footsteps coming across the grass towards him and the sound of a set of familiar voices.

"Mind if we join you, Yaten?" Seiya’s voice asked, and Yaten opened his eyes, his expression set on instant scowl.

"I’ll take that as a yes," Seiya said with a grin, settling down on the grass directly next to Yaten, who flinched slightly at the invasion of his personal space, and then flinched again when he saw how closely Usagi sat on Seiya’s other side. Then he chastised himself, wondering why that should bother him anymore than the fact that all the others who sat down--- Taiki, Ami, Makoto, and Minako---also sat very close together. Particularly Minako, who was currently pressed very close up to Yaten’s other side and asking him very directly what he was reading. She had somehow hooked Taiki to her other side with one arm as well, much to Ami and Makoto’s amusement.

"Ah, the book Ami gave you!" Minako squealed with a grin. "Is it good?"

"Yes," Yaten said noncommittally. "So far. I haven’t been able to read much. I keep being interrupted."

He was hoping they might take the hint, but no such luck; they simply started *talking*, all of them chattering at once, so he sighed and rested his head back against the tree, determined to enjoy the sun if nothing else. His eyes snapped open a moment later when he felt something brush against his leg---Seiya’s hand. What the hell was he doing!? And with all these people here…!?

He quickly glanced downwards seeing the back of Seiya’s hand limply resting against his thigh, then started when he saw Seiya lying fast asleep with his head in Usagi’s lap. Usagi was blushing hotly, her hands clenched against her chest, evidently trying to decide what to do. Her eyes snapped up to meet Yaten’s the instant she noticed him watching her.

"He just fell asleep like that!" she said quickly.

"Seiya!" Taiki said, sounding shocked, and the other three girls finally silenced, Taiki’s exclamation forcing them to turn and see what was going on.

"He just fell asleep like that!" Usagi repeated, pointing down at him, her ears turning bright red. "I don’t know what happened!"

"Honestly, Seiya," Yaten said with a quiet sigh, rolling his eyes.

"Is he okay?" Makoto asked delicately after another moment of silence passed, punctuated only by the soft sound of Seiya’s breathing. "Is something wrong with him?"

"He suddenly fell asleep like this in class, too," Minako explained to Ami, who was in another class and looked even more confused than the rest of them.

"He hasn’t been sleeping well lately," Taiki said, the look on his face one of concern.

"What’s going on?"

All of them froze at the sound of the cold, familiar voice that shattered the silence they had all fallen into, and then, as one, they all cringed and slowly turned.

Standing before them with arms crossed, eyebrow raised, short-cropped blonde hair rustling in the light wind that seemed to follow her and lightly caress her cheeks with the familiarity of a lover, and dark blue eyes hard, was an extremely un-amused-looking Tenoh Haruka. The fact that she---like the rest of the girls present---was wearing the cute Juuban Koukou sailor fuku, which was about as far from her usual style of dress as it was possible to get, didn’t degrade her intimidating appearance in the least.

Although Tenoh Haruka and Kaioh Michiru also attended Juuban Koukou, they were a grade ahead of the others and didn’t often run into them as a general rule, so to see Haruka now came as a surprise to them. Of course, Yaten and Taiki, who as of yet had no idea who Haruka was, were completely confused by the sudden appearance of this rather angry-looking young woman who gave each of them a deadly glare in turn. Evidently, she knew who *they* were.

"Ha…Haruka-san!" Usagi exclaimed, blushing bright pink again.

"Yo, koneko-chan," Haruka said, but her expression didn’t soften as she turned to regard Usagi. "I believe I asked a question. What’s going on? What’s he doing with his head in your lap?"

The girls shifted uncomfortably. Haruka was known to be a little overprotective of Usagi, and the last thing anyone wanted was for Seiya to end up as a mere smear on the pavement.

Yaten and Taiki glanced at each other, utterly lost by this point.

"He’s tired," Usagi said defensively, "and sleepy…he just fell asleep, Haruka-san. Nothing’s going on…"

Haruka’s eyes narrowed to mere slits.

"It’s true, Haruka-san," Ami hurried to say, knowing that Haruka respected her and would trust her word more easily than anyone else’s in the group. "Nothing else happened…we swear."

Haruka’s eyes moved slowly towards Ami, lingering on her face for so long that Ami began to blush before Haruka looked back to Usagi.

Yaten finally sighed, having long since had enough.

"This is stupid," he grumbled loudly, kneeling and reaching out for Seiya. "Come on, Seiya."

Seiya didn’t awaken even as Yaten moved his arms under Seiya and scooped him up, pulling him over into his own arms instead, which made several of the girls blink in surprise, including Haruka. Yaten ignored all of them, instead turning to meet Taiki’s eyes.

"I’m taking him home," Yaten said simply. "He obviously needs to sleep; he won’t get anything done this afternoon. Write down the homework for us and bring our bags when you come home."

"Do you need help?" Taiki asked, moving to take Seiya from him, but Yaten shook his head, merely maneuvering Seiya over until he was cradling him under his back and knees. Minako gasped something about "So strong!!", but Yaten continued to ignore everyone except Taiki.

"No, I’ll drive, if I can take the car."

"I’ll find a way home," Taiki said with a nod. "Good luck."

"Hmph," said Yaten impatiently as he got to his feet, holding Seiya more tightly against his chest as he walked towards the parking lot.

"Haruka?" a soft voice queried a moment later, and the others all turned back to watch as Kaioh Michiru made her way slowly across the grass, her skirt swishing gently as she walked.

"There you are! I wondered where you’d run off to so quickly," Michiru said with a warm smile towards Haruka before she turned to grin at the others. "Konnichiwa! Ara, Taiki Kou-san, isn’t it? How nice to see you again. It was lovely to perform with you."

Taiki nodded, returning Michiru’s greeting, and the others echoed Michiru’s friendly sentiment somewhat awkwardly. She noticed this, then took note of her girlfriend’s rigid posture and the irked expression on her face.

"Have I come at an awkward time?" Michiru asked, smile twisting a bit, eyes twinkling.

Everyone was silent for a moment, until finally Haruka coughed, a deep, almost masculine sound, and turned her head.

"Not in particular," she said noncommittally, frowning to herself.

"Ah, good," Michiru said with a pleasant smile. "Let’s get back to our lunch then, shall we?"

With that, she grabbed Haruka’s arm in a firm grip and started dragging her off in the direction she’d come from.

"Ite ite ite!! Michiru!!" they heard Haruka protest as she was hauled away.

"Shh…I promise I’ll kiss it better later, love," Michiru returned with a chuckle that trailed back towards the four girls and Taiki, all of whom sat in an embarrassed silence for several moments before they decided to pretend they hadn’t heard and go back to talking about something else.

*****

Seiya didn’t wake up until they were halfway home, and even then, Yaten was sure it was only because Shiruku, whom Yaten had stopped off at the pet daycare centre to pick up, had decided it would be a good idea to lave Seiya’s entire face with her scratchy little pink tongue. She had perched herself on Seiya’s shoulder a few moments before and Yaten had tried to get her off, but he was risking his driving skills by doing so, so he’d finally given up.

Seiya woke up so abruptly he snorted, which made Yaten cringe, and then Seiya started to chuckle, his hands coming up to grab the kitten.

"Oi, what are you doing to me?" Seiya asked, his voice husky with sleep. When Shiruku responded with only a little meow and snuggled into Seiya’s arms, Seiya laughed and turned his attention to his surroundings. "E…? Yaten…?"

"You’re brilliant when you wake up, Seiya," Yaten told him in his most sarcastic tone, and out of the corner of his eye he saw Seiya smirk.

"What’s going on?" Seiya asked, glancing towards the clock. "It’s not time to go home yet…"

"You fell asleep in Tsukino-san’s lap over lunch break," Yaten said bluntly, before turning to do a shoulder check and changing lanes. "That’s the second time you fell asleep today, and probably not the last."

"Damn," Seiya said simply, before he chuckled softly and patted Shiruku’s head. "You’re almost more trouble than you’re worth, you little monster."

Yaten fell into a stony silence, and he stiffened when he felt Seiya watching him.

"What?" he snapped after another moment passed. He could feel a tight knot of tension between his shoulder blades, and frankly, it was pissing him off.

"Are you regretting it?" Seiya asked, as his fingers gently rubbed behind Shiruku’s ears until she started to purr, burrowing against his abdomen happily. "Are you sorry we got her for you?"

Yaten let out a loud, impatient sigh as he turned into their driveway and stopped, deciding to leave the car out since he knew they were heading to the studio right after dinner. Seiya waited in silence as Yaten put on the parking brake and undid his seat belt before adjusting the seat back to its usual position---Taiki would’ve had to fold himself like origami to fit into the tight space Yaten had created by moving the seat so far forward---and then turning to regard Seiya, his eyes flashing with irritation.

"It’s obviously not working out, is it, Seiya?" Yaten demanded in the same sharp tone. "We can’t go on this way. It’s affecting our schooling, but more importantly, it’s affecting our music, and that means it’s affecting our duty. You can’t just pass this off and say, ‘Let us handle it, Yaten, you just enjoy yourself…’ Damn it, Seiya, it’s not that simple!"

His last words became a yell as he opened the door and got out, slamming the door after himself before striding up towards the house. He heard Seiya’s quick steps following him.

"I can’t believe you, Yaten!" Seiya shouted, finally catching up with Yaten at the door. Yaten growled under his breath as he fumbled with his key in the lock, shaking his head, silver hair tumbling around his shoulders. He could feel Seiya’s hot breath against his cheek, Seiya was so close. "Would you grow up!?"

"You’re telling me to grow up!?" Yaten yelled back, turning to glare hotly at Seiya before he rolled his eyes and shoved his key into the lock hard enough to scratch the metal, then flung open the door, retrieving his key before moving inside and leaving Seiya to close the door. "Goddamn it, Seiya! Listen to yourself! A *kitten*! What were you thinking!?"

"I was thinking about making you happy, you little prick!" Seiya snapped, placing Shiruku carefully on the floor before he stalked after Yaten. Yaten let out a sound of shock and dismay when Seiya backed him against the wall in the upstairs hallway, closing him in on either side with his arms and leaning in, furious blue eyes locking with cold green.

"You think I’m immature?" Seiya hissed, an eyebrow twitching upwards before he frowned. "You’re the one who’s being immature. It’s been a week and a half…you expect everything to be easy? Give us some time, for God’s sake. *Some* of us don’t give up on things just because it’s a little *inconvenient*. Yeah, okay, so right now it’s a little tiresome. Right now our work might be suffering. But it’s not permanent. Don’t you think it’ll be worth it?"

He continued to stare into Yaten’s eyes, his gaze hard with determination and anger, Yaten’s just as unflinching, until finally Seiya swore and smacked the wall, hard, making Yaten flinch again, closing his eyes.

"Chikusho! Yaten, don’t you think it’s worth it? I’ve seen you with her…damn it, she makes you happy, I’ve *seen* you, *damn* it, Yaten!"

Their eyes met again, and this time Seiya’s eyes traveled over Yaten’s face, focusing on his lower lip, watching it tremble ever so slightly.

"Why are you so angry?" Yaten whispered harshly after a moment of silence passed. "She’s just a cat."

He said it bitterly, ironically, feeling that surely it was what Seiya believed, even if to Yaten such a companion might mean the world.

"It’s not just about the cat, *baka*," Seiya said, gritting his teeth and dropping his head. "It’s not just about the cat. Hell, I love the cat…she’s fun, and I mean it…no matter what you say, I know you love her and you want to keep her. But you need to stop it, Yaten…you need to stop running away from the things you want…the things you need. Just because it’s *inconvenient*…just because you think it’s *stupid*…just because you think it’s not important…"

Yaten caught his breath, closing his eyes against the sudden, sharp sting of tears and biting down hard on his tongue to keep himself from screaming at Seiya to shut up. His mind was already screaming, battering at him to get out, to get away…but if he pushed Seiya away from him now, if he ran, then he’d be giving too much away.

It wasn’t just him. He could feel Seiya’s pain too, pushing against the barriers around his mind, and he could feel Seiya shaking because his head was just barely brushing against Yaten’s shoulder.

"You just need to stop…" Seiya whispered tiredly, finally taking a step back and scrubbing against his own tear-stained face before he shook his head, not looking up, and without another word, turned and shuffled off to his room. Yaten waited, still pressed tightly against the wall, his breath still coming in ragged stops and starts, until several moments after he’d heard Seiya’s door close, and then he finally let himself slide down the wall into a crumpled heap and tried desperately to remember how to breathe.

*****

Taiki came home to find Seiya still sleeping and Yaten locked in his room refusing to come out. After first banging his head against the wall several times in sheer frustration, Taiki decided, not for the first time, to make an executive decision, and called off that evening’s studio time. He then fixed himself a quiet supper and retreated to his room to do his homework and write poetry by candlelight, almost glad for the peace and quiet.

At about seven o’clock, however, he heard the sound of a door out in the hall slamming, but not the sound of an angry slam; just the usual sound of Seiya casually kicking the door shut behind himself. Taiki quickly got to his feet and moved to his own door, poking his head out into the hallway.

"Seiya! Where are you going?" he called when he saw Seiya halfway down the stairs.

"To the studio," Seiya called back, turning to give Taiki a grin and a little wave. "I have a couple of things to take care of. Thanks though, Taiki, for the break."

"Seems you needed it," Taiki called back, but Seiya just laughed obnoxiously as he slammed his way just as casually out the front door, so Taiki rolled his eyes and went back into his bedroom.

/A couple of things to take care of…?/

*****

Yaten stayed in his room, alternating between hiding beneath the covers trying to doze and sitting by the window staring outside and moping, until around nine, when he heard a horrifying shriek come from down the hall. His eyes widened and, without a thought for whether or not he might encounter Seiya, he flew to the door of his room, reaching it and opening the door just as Taiki stomped down the hall towards him.

"Yaten," Taiki growled, holding up a mangled mass of white paper in his hand, his eyebrows twitching. "How am I supposed to explain to sensei that your *cat* ate my homework? She’ll never believe me!"

Normally, Yaten might have laughed in Taiki’s face and proceeded to cruelly make fun of him. As it was, the topic was sensitive enough that teasing was the furthest thing from Yaten’s mind.

"How should I know!?" Yaten snapped defensively, folding his arms over his chest. "Just because she’s my cat doesn’t mean I can keep her from eating your stupid homework."

"Yaten, I don’t have time to do all this a dozen times over!" Taiki shouted, waving the papers in Yaten’s face. "Keep the cat away from me while I’m working, all right?"

"I would, but all your raging has chased her away!" Yaten yelled back. It was true: he’d seen Shiruku streak down the hallway and disappear somewhere downstairs.

Taiki gritted his teeth, seeming prepared to send another retort Yaten’s way, but then he saw the determination on Yaten’s face and lifted a hand to his forehead, rubbing as though he had a bad headache.

"Never mind," he said, his voice hard. "Just never mind."

He turned on his heel and started back towards his room, only to stop in place and look up when he heard the sound of the door. Yaten too turned, then froze, the look of anger dissolving away from his face into one of near-panic when he saw Seiya come in through the front door, holding a bag under his arm. He placed the bag up on one of the kitchen counters before he started up the stairs, breaking off the song he’d been humming mid-chord when his eyes came to rest on his two tense band mates, frozen on opposite sides of the hallway.

"E? What’s going on here, then?" Seiya asked curiously, his expression relaxing into an easy smile as he approached the two of them, pulling off his jacket and tossing it into his open bedroom as he passed it on the way towards them.

The closer Seiya came towards him, the worse Yaten felt, especially with the way Taiki continued to look at him. Finally, unable to take it anymore, Yaten brought a shaking hand up to cover his eyes.

"Don’t all speak at once, now," Seiya said dryly as he pulled off his sunglasses and folded them over his shirt collar, then folded his arms as he waited expectantly.

"The cat ate my homework," Taiki said after a moment, sounding suddenly torn between irritation and sheepishness, his eyes still fixed on Yaten. Seiya too was looking at Yaten at first, but then he turned to Taiki, raising an eyebrow as he seemed to put two and two together.

"Now come on, Taiki," Seiya said, offering Taiki a lopsided smile. "How could Yaten have helped that? And besides, the cat wouldn’t be after your stuff if it didn’t smell like catnip."

"Wh…what?" Taiki asked, blinking, his gaze flying to Seiya. Yaten was also startled enough by Seiya’s remark that he moved his fingers apart enough to peer through them, watching Seiya as he grinned and reached out to poke Taiki’s arm.

"Eh, you can’t hide it from me! I know you’ve been into the catnip, you big lug!"

"What!?" Taiki said, but the way he suddenly flushed crimson gave him away.

"Your bad habit finally came out, didn’t it?" Seiya teased, leaning closer to elbow Taiki in the ribs as Taiki’s blush grew worse and worse. "You catnip lover, you! You do know the *cat’s* supposed to eat the catnip, right!? Not the people!"

"I…I didn’t!" Taiki tried helplessly, holding up his hands and shaking his head, but Seiya only snorted.

"Oh, you can’t fool me. You’ve always been a mint lover, and besides, I *saw* you dipping your hand into the catnip last night, Taiki," Seiya said, poking Taiki’s chest.

By this time, Yaten was giggling so hard behind his hands that he was starting to draw attention towards himself. Seiya and Taiki turned towards him, Taiki still blushing profusely while Seiya smirked.

Taiki’s flush slowly faded as he watched Yaten try to bring his laughter under control, still not bringing his hands away from his face.

"I’m sorry, Yaten," Taiki said, finally smiling slightly. "I shouldn’t have snapped at you. I know it’s not your fault. I was just…taking it out on someone, and that was wrong of me."

Yaten’s laughter died away and he slowly nodded, his eyes closed again. Taiki’s expression was now completely serious and he started to take a step towards Yaten, but he stopped when Seiya touched his arm, glancing back in surprise. Seiya met his eyes and just shook his head, and although he was stunned, Taiki nodded and took the hint, going back to his own room, responding to the silent command of his leader.

"Ne."

Yaten flinched slightly at the soft sound of Seiya’s voice, at the gentle touch of Seiya’s hands against his, pulling them away from his face.

"You okay?" Seiya murmured, as usual leaning closer into Yaten’s personal space than Yaten was immediately comfortable with. "Yaten…? Open your eyes. Look at me."

Yaten reluctantly opened his eyes and met Seiya’s, swallowing back his discomfort at how close they were to his own, and such a bright, intense blue.

"I’m really sorry, Yaten," Seiya said softly, and Yaten swallowed again when Seiya’s fingers curled underneath his chin. "I’m sorry. What I said earlier wasn’t fair."

Yaten remained silent, his hands clenched into fists against his sides.

"Still, think about it…" Seiya continued, letting go of Yaten’s chin and glancing downward, towards his pockets, which he then searched through. "Think about trying to give things more of a chance, I mean. Like Shiruku…and us. When we try to help you…when we try to do stuff for you…you know, maybe that’s all it is? Kuso, I know I’m not making sense…"

He trailed off as he muttered something under his breath, and Yaten waited in silence until Seiya finally uttered a soft "There!" and pulled something out of his pocket.

"Ch’! Thought I’d never find it," he said with a little grin before he held up a small jar. "Here. This was the best they had."

He waved the jar in front of Yaten’s nose, and Yaten’s eyes widened when he recognized it as a favorite, extremely expensive kind of caviar.

"Now you know I’m only going to give this to you if you can find it within the goodness of your heart to forgive me," Seiya said, his grin becoming warmer when he saw Yaten’s tongue dart out to lick his lips. Yaten’s eyes flew to his, judging his seriousness. "Well? Seems like a pretty good deal, ne?"

He waved the jar tantalizingly again, but only managed a couple of moments before a pale, slender hand reached up between them and snatched the jar away. Seiya laughed as Yaten clutched the jar protectively to his chest.

"I forgive you," Yaten snapped, glancing greedily down towards his prize.

"That’s not all!" Seiya said with a smirk, patting through his pockets again before pulling out a slightly bedraggled piece of paper that looked like it had been torn out of one of his messy notebooks. "Here."

He handed the paper to Yaten, who blinked but accepted it, turning to go into his room so he could set down his precious caviar on the desk before he unfolded the paper.

"Well," Seiya said quickly from the doorway, "that’s it…your real birthday present from me, finally finished tonight. I’m off to try to find the rascal, so…good night!"

Yaten didn’t reply as Seiya quickly shut the door and trooped off down the hall. He was too busy scanning his eyes down the page…too busy forgetting how to breathe again.

If it were anyone else, the words messily scribbled on the page might have been mistakable for a freehand poem. But since it was Seiya, they could be nothing other than lyrics, and if Seiya said it was finished, then Yaten had no doubt that Seiya had already composed the music to go along with them.

/Gods, Seiya…what do I say to this?/

Kodoku

Trapped in a world of black
I see you sleeping there
You don’t even see us anymore
You think it’s better to be alone

You tell yourself you’re all you need
Hurt so much it’s all you know now
I just wish that I could touch you, tell you
It’d be so much easier if you’d let me in

All the lights in the night sky
Burn with such radiance
Burn perfectly, you won’t hurt me
I just want you to feel this

You used to be different, softer somehow
Though you closed yourself off long ago
You used to trust us, used to let us see
The part of you that’s hiding inside

But now it’s too much, now you cower away
You think we don’t understand you
But it’s our pain too, and we’ve been through the shame
The darkness is always there, but we bear it

All the lights in the night sky
Burn with such radiance
Burn perfectly, you won’t hurt me
I just want you to feel this

I see you
I know you cry inside
I feel it too
I see you

Please forgive me if I hurt you
With the things that I say and do
Sometimes I get so tired and I just want you to see
I’m screaming and I need you to see me too

Because I can’t let you do this to yourself anymore
I can’t let you sleep there in that dark
It might seem comfortable and it might seem safe
But it’s too much like death and I can’t let you go

All the lights in the night sky
Burn with such radiance
Burn perfectly, you won’t hurt me
I just want you to feel this

All the lights in the night sky
Burn with such radiance
Burn perfectly, you won’t hurt me
I just want you to feel this

- S.Kou, 1996

*****

END PART FIVE