Fandom: Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon: Sailor Stars (anime)
Date Finished:
Classification: Alternate Universe, Romance, Angst
Pairing: Seiya/Yaten, Taiki/Ami, Mamoru/Usagi, Haruka/Michiru  
Rating: NC-17

The Long Road
By Elsewhere
elsewherecw@shaw.ca

All other information in Part One.

Part Five: Feelin’ Way Too Damn Good

Glossary:
fuzakenai de - don’t mess with me/quit screwing around/quit fucking around…you get the idea
kuso - shit

*****
I better learn how to crawl
Can’t stand anymore
In 10 minutes I’ll be laying out flat on the floor
*****

He figured it was the cold of lying there on the floor next to her, without any clothes or blankets or anything, that finally brought him back to himself. Or maybe it was the way she turned, letting out a soft sound of---what…pleasure? pain? something…as she nuzzled her face against his chest and brought a hand up to curl around his neck, her nails scraping lightly against the nape. All he knew was that, when he did become completely aware again…he felt really embarrassed.

"We…we shouldn’t stay here."

His voice sounded really strange, maybe just because the place had fallen so quiet, or maybe there really was something wrong with it. He wasn’t sure…he wasn’t sure of anything just then. He sat up quickly, her hand dropping away, and he ran his hands through his hair.

"Mm," she responded, sounding sleepy. He turned to glance at her, and froze when he saw the tear tracks on her cheeks. His thumb was caressing them away before he thought about it.

"I hurt you…?" he whispered, his voice choking off in his throat.

She blinked and then smiled, one of those rare, warm smiles that she’d only given him once or twice.

"No, Seiya…you didn’t hurt me," she said, reaching up to cup his cheek in turn, which made him blink in surprise. Her smile widened, making her eyes crinkle slightly. He never thought he’d see her smile like that. It made his chest feel hot, suddenly.

"Sometimes people cry for reasons other than pain or sadness, you know," she said, dropping her hand and turning away to reach for her dress and panties. "Sometimes people cry because it’s painful to give up a kind of control…mm, but never mind."

And then she was silent, and he was left feeling embarrassed again as he watched her lie on her back and lift her hips in order to slide her underwear back on. He glanced down…and that was when he first noticed the mess they’d made, and he really felt his cheeks burn.

"Um…so…I’ll clean up…so…you just…wait there, I guess. And then I’ll take you home," he stuttered quickly before he got to his feet and quickly gathered up his clothes. Unable to help his sudden feeling of bashfulness, he moved around behind the bar to change back into his clothes, then retrieved himself a wet cloth and moved back to see what he could do for the piano and carpet.

The piano was a fairly easy job, it turned out, but the carpet was probably something he’d have to go in early the following morning and put more effort into, he thought with a grimace. Ugh. They never put this side of things in the movies.

By the time he’d finished, she was waiting, leaning against the piano again, dressed but looking a little bit worn—her hair was somewhat mussed and her lips still looked swollen, proof of what had gone on—and he found himself blushing again as he approached her.

"Um…okay, I’ll take you home now…"

"Take me to your place, Seiya," she said quietly, in that even voice that brooked no argument.

He caught his breath and then swallowed, hard.

"Um…okay," he said, breathlessly, and then he cringed, thinking of his apartment. "But…it’s really, really messy."

"It’s all right," she said, lifting a hand in a kind of shrug. "I’m used to it."

She said it as though she was used to *his* living habits specifically, which made him feel nervous, but he pushed that aside.

"And…there’s a lot of insects," he said, thinking of the cockroaches and spiders.

"I’m far scarier than an insect or two, don’t you think?" she said with a mild smile.

"And…there’s Gigantor," he said, finishing with a slight frown, hoping to portray the seriousness of the danger she could be in.

That finally seemed to bring her up short.

"Who or what is Gigantor?" she asked.

"My…chihuahua," he said, trying not to let himself deflate at all when he saw the way her eyebrow twitched and then swiftly arched upwards.

"Your chihuahua…Gigantor," she repeated, her tone still perfectly even.

He nodded.

A moment passed in silence.

She started to laugh, like she had that first day they’d spoken, a laugh that seem to build all the way from her belly, because she clutched it as she giggled and hooted, closing her eyes against tears as she fought her way through the spate.

"Don’t laugh," he said, his tone almost pouting. "He’s my best friend in the world."

When she finally got the laughter under control, she looked at him with sparkling eyes and said, "Seiya…I’m not laughing at you, I’m laughing with you."

He continued to look at her with the same mildly hurt eyes until she sighed.

"No good, eh? Oh well," she said, and then she smiled and shook her head. "Never mind. I’m sorry I laughed. Of course he’s your best friend in the world, and I’ll be very happy to meet him. So, no more excuses, all right? Just take me to your apartment, Seiya."

There it was…the tone that couldn’t be argued with. So he took her to his apartment. It was so late and he didn’t really feel like walking her all the way there when it was so dark and dangerous, so he called a cab, an extravagance he didn’t usually allow himself. By the time they got there, she was leaning sleepily against his shoulder, which he found somehow unspeakably cute. But he shook her awake, because the thought of carrying her inside seemed really inappropriate.

She followed him up the stairs, and he half expected her to say something about what an old, ugly building he lived in in such a horrible area of town, but she kept totally silent as she waited behind him for him to find his key. He finally got it and, after a couple of fumbles, got it into the lock and opened the door. As soon as they got inside, they were attacked.

"Ah…sorry. I did warn you, though," he said, reaching down swiftly to scoop up the raging chihuahua that was yipping around Yaten’s feet just before the dog managed to nip her heels, which was Gigantor’s standard greeting for guests of any kind.

"It’s fine," she said with remarkable patience---he hadn’t expected her to be a pet person somehow---and then, to his surprise, she lifted Gigantor out of his arms and cuddled the yipping dog to her chest. After no more than a few strokes to his head, Gigantor had calmed down and quieted and was nuzzling against Yaten’s chest.

"Wow…usually he only bites other people," he said, genuinely surprised. "He really doesn’t like people in his territory, or something like that. I’ve never seen him like that."

"Mm. Well, I’ve always had a way with animals," she said as she toed off her high heels and made her way slowly into his apartment, looking around as she walked, idly stroking the dog snuggled against her chest. "Although I’m more of a cat person."

"I didn’t think you’d like animals at all." He confessed his thoughts to her. "I had this image of you as someone who wouldn’t like anything like that…you know, how they shed hair and drool and stuff."

She laughed at that, this laugh warm and high and kind of giggly.

"You have a lot of strange ideas about me, Seiya," she said, but she didn’t sound surprised about it; it just sounded like a comment.

"Yeah," he said, scratching his head, and then he moved forward quickly into the living room, swiftly performing the fastest cleaning job he’d ever done in his life. Old socks, dirty dishes, pizza boxes and other such junk quickly got cleared away so that the room looked somewhat uncluttered.

"Um…sit down, if you want. Oh, can I take your coat? Or, do you want something? Or of course, I can take your coat and you can have something too. I mean a drink or something to eat or something. Um…"

"Relax," she said softly as she handed him her coat, and he swallowed, trying to tell himself the same thing as he went into the hall to hang her coat up in the closet he never really used…he usually just tossed his coat on the floor or wherever it ended up.

Then he went into the kitchen and started to make a pot of tea, amazed that he actually knew how to do that…it just seemed like an automatic thing. A guest was here, and he had a weird feeling that she didn’t like coffee, so…make a pot of tea. His hands did the motions automatically. And when he stopped even briefly to think about it—Gods, the taste of her, the feeling of her body against his—*crash*.

She was in the door almost the instant the teacup hit the floor, it seemed, as though she had anticipated the impact, though that surely couldn’t be. But she was there, saying his name and then walking towards him as he stood there, a hand to his head, staring down at the broken china.

"Seiya…are you all right?" she asked, standing in front of him, her eyes so surreally bright…and he blinked and focused on her, the her of right now. He felt his cheeks go red again, and by the way her cheeks slowly turned pink, he could see that she must have surmised what he was thinking about.

I can’t believe I did that, he thought.

"Did what?" she said, and he glanced at her, horrified to think that he had just said that out loud, and then horrified all over again when he thought about the implications of what *she* had just said. He started to laugh, a low, lost kind of laugh.

"Did I imagine all that, then…? Of course…to think that you would…"

"Have sex with you?" she said, her usual smooth voice quickly slicing into his descent into madness and pulling him back. His eyes snapped to hers and found her looking at him, her eyes almost challenging him to disagree with her. "Yes, I did, Seiya. And you certainly participated. Believe it."

With that, she picked up the tray he’d been preparing with the teapot on it, stopping to pick up a new teacup to replace the broken one, and then, neatly stepping around the broken glass on the floor, she made her way back out into the living room.

He followed her, once again feeling embarrassed, even more so now that he had shown her yet another one of his breaks from reality. She remained just as calm as ever though, kneeling at his coffee table and placing the tray in front of him. Evidently she didn’t intend to serve it, which he felt somewhat thankful for, despite the fact that he didn’t trust his own nerves. Remarkably, though, once he started pouring the tea into the cups, he found that his hands seemed to have taken over control again.

"What are you doing?" she murmured a moment later, and he snapped out of his almost trance-like state to find himself spooning a tiny bit of sugar into one of the tea cups.

"Ah…I…don’t know," he said, frowning slowly as he stared down at the cup. "Of course…you wouldn’t want sugar in green tea. I just had this idea…about one spoonful, for taste, or something like that…"

He shook his head, confusedly, and watched as she took the cup from him and gently stirred the tea.

"I do like sugar in green tea," she said with a soft smile. "But no more than a spoonful, just for taste."

Her voice rose on the tiniest note of provocation as her eyes dropped and she sipped at her tea.

His frown deepened and he shook his head again as he stared down into the other cup of tea, seeing his own face distorted in the liquid.

"But…how could I know that? I don’t even know what that means… ‘for taste’…"

"Don’t worry about it," she said, waving a hand, evidently completely unconcerned. She glanced up at him from under her eyelashes, her eyes so big and soft and green…and he found himself staring, his cheeks slowly turning pink again.

"So, Seiya," she said, her voice quieting as she took another sip of her tea and then placed her cup down on the table, curling her hands around it as though warming her fingers. "Tell me…why did you do that?"

At first his brow furrowed in confusion, but after looking into her eyes for a moment, he took her meaning, and his cheeks brightened in color.

"I…I don’t know," he said, lowering his eyes and taking a first sip of his own tea to occupy himself.

"That’s a lie, Seiya…you do know," she said patiently. "What made you choose to do that?"

"Be…because…" he stuttered, only to stop and swallow, closing his eyes to focus his thoughts as best he could. He felt the fragmented memories of a couple of hours before flowing through his mind, and tried to pick through them, to pick out something that would make some kind of rational sense.

"It doesn’t matter if it makes sense, Seiya," she said quietly, with that unnerving timing of hers, as though she could read his mind. "Just tell me."

"Because…I wanted…to answer you," he said, so reluctantly that the words were pulled out of him with his breath. But once they were out in the air and received no laughter or other signs of rejection or repulsion from her, he felt a bit stronger, and continued on. "I felt…I owed you an answer."

"An answer?"

"To your question," he said quietly. "You asked…if I needed you…"

She was silent for a moment, and when she spoke, her tone was curious, and somewhat breathy.

"So you need me for sex?"

"No!" He was surprised by the force of his answer as his head lifted, and by how quickly the thumping of his heart calmed in his chest as his eyes met hers and he saw that her question really had been one of nothing more than idle curiosity; something that she hadn’t really believed him capable of. She gave him a reassuring smile to confirm this suspicion. She knew that wasn’t his intention.

"No…but…I needed…some way…I…don’t know," he said, giving up again.

"You didn’t have a way to say it in words so this way was easier?" she suggested, her eyes twinkling for a moment before she bent her head and sipped at her tea, almost looking shy.

He nodded after a moment, feeling the blush back in his cheeks.

"I’ve always…wanted to touch you," he whispered, closing his eyes and turning his head to one side, ashamed to say it out loud.

"I know," she said, her own voice falling to a similar whisper. "I know, Seiya."

When he opened his eyes and looked over at her, she was still sitting there, kneeling with her hands clasped in her lap, her chin lowered, eyes focused on something off to one side, a pretty pink blush over her cheeks. She looked like she was thinking about something, her eyes clouded over. She looked beautiful. Looking at her, sitting there on his floor looking so thoughtful and…forlorn, somehow…the longing was instant. That desire to touch her was back, if it had ever truly gone away, but this time it felt stronger, as though his desire for her had only been fed by what he had experienced so far.

He approached her slowly, walking over to her quietly and kneeling next to her, his motions drawing her attention carefully out of her reverie. Her eyes met his just before he reached out with the barest hesitation and traced his fingertips down her jawline, waiting until she opened her mouth ever so slightly before he dipped his head and captured her mouth. The kiss was short but incredibly sweet; it tasted like her lightly sugared green tea.

This time he really took his time. Once he’d made sure she had no initial objections---one look at the smile that bloomed across her face before she kissed his fingertips and asked him to kiss her again, and he was sold on that one---he took as long as he wanted exploring every part of her his fingers and mouth told him seemed appealing. His hands spent a long time in her hair, intimately learning the silky soft feeling of it, letting it run through his fingertips until she was almost purring, pressing against his chest. He spent several minutes tasting her neck, until she seemed to get restless, and then he moved on, pulling her dress down again until he was cupping her breasts in his hands. This time he didn’t want to neglect those.

She was definitely sensitive there…at first, as he just nuzzled his nose and face against her breasts and into the groove between them, she shivered a bit and lifted her hands to run them through his hair. He learned quickly to follow the motions of her hands, just like before, as he let his mouth loose, first on her left breast, licking and sucking and chewing until she was panting in his ear, her knees squeezed against either side of him where they sat scrunched together on the floor. Then he moved to the other breast, content to explore all night if he felt like it, but he hardly felt satisfied with that when she started to whisper things in his ear like his name and little pleas, little indications that she needed something more, and soon.

He pushed her dress the rest of the way off, tossing her panties in the same direction, then started to undo his shirt, but he hadn’t even finished doing that before she leaned up and grabbed his hands, stilling them.

"Seiya…wait," she said, her voice breathless, her eyes foggy with desire.

"Okay," he said, leaning back on his heels, prepared to wait as long as she wanted, for whatever reason.

She shook her head slightly, just like he often did when he felt like his head needed clearing.

"Do you have any…you know…protection? I forgot before, but we really should…"

He blinked, taking a couple of seconds to put together what she was talking about, and when he did, he felt his heart skip a beat.

"Oh…oh yeah, of course. I’m sorry…I didn’t think either…but no…I don’t…have any. I’m sorry."

He was starting to stutter again, and her hands squeezed his, telling him to stop talking, which he did.

"It’s okay," she said, offering him a smile that still seemed intoxicated. "I have some, then…in my purse. I left it in the hall."

"Oh…then I’ll…" he said, getting to his feet quickly and leaving the room.

Once he was in the hallway he slumped against the wall, catching his breath and closing his eyes.

/Of course she would want protection…she’s a modern woman and they say everyone should use it. I’m a jerk./

The thoughts flew through his mind as he bent in front of a black purse on the floor---he hoped it was hers, ‘cause he definitely didn’t remember owning one---and searched through it. He knew what he was looking for; he had had some condoms before, but every time he’d been in a situation where he’d had to use them, the situation had ended up a total failure, so he didn’t keep any anymore.

He finally found them tucked into a back pocket, and he pulled out a couple. In the pocket right in front of them he felt a pile of some kind of small cardboard things, and he ended up pulling one of them out with the condoms. His curiosity got the better of him. When he saw what it was, his eyes widened slightly, though he wasn’t sure why…but the information on the little card seemed like something very valuable to him, someone who knew very little about her.

It said: ‘Yaten Kou. Professional Photographer.’ And then a bunch of numbers…phone, and an address, and all of that.

It was a business card. Just a business card. And…he felt like he’d struck some kind of gold. He pocketed it quickly, glancing around as though afraid he’d been seen, and then took a breath, as though he’d done something wrong. But that…was something valuable to him. To know that she was a real person, with a real job…that was important.

He went back into the living room, and froze when he saw no sign of her anywhere.

"In here," her voice called, right on cue, and he grimaced. The sound had come from his bedroom, which he knew was a huge mess.

He made his way to the bedroom, and stopped again in the doorway, staring at her naked figure framed in the blue light of the fish tank as she stood there in the middle of the room, looking around.

"Um…I found them," he said, a bit stupidly, he supposed, holding up the two condoms and walking into the room. He didn’t look at her, instead focusing on his bed, which he quickly cleared of any dirty clothing. "Sorry…I’m such a pig."

"It’s all right," she said, and he froze, fumbling the condoms and dropping them onto the bed when he felt her move up behind him, pressing her body along his back.

She laughed, just a warm little chuckle, but she was obviously laughing at his nervousness, and he felt his cheeks heat up again. That heat became even worse when she let him go and crawled onto the bed, disregarding the condoms near her knees, and knelt in front of him.

"You seem overdressed for the occasion," she said softly and a bit playfully, and she leaned forward to nip gently at his nose before she started to undo his shirt. He focused on standing still and trying to breathe normally while she finished getting his shirt off and then caressed his chest briefly before returning the earlier favor. He’d never imagined his nipples could be so sensitive until she was surrounding each one in turn with her hot mouth and then leaning back to blow on the moisture until the sensation was one of ice. It prickled, it hurt…and it felt incredible.

She didn’t linger, though…she still had a clear destination in mind, obviously. She moved on to his pants, undoing them slowly and then pushing them down his hips. That was almost too much for him; his breathing sped up; he could hear it rasping in his ears. She kept nibbling on the skin of his chest as she shoved his pants down his legs, and then gently forced his boxers along the same path, careful not to catch them on anything. When that was finished, she leaned back and considered him, then closed her eyes and gave him a kind of wicked grin. He started to have an idea…one that was both exciting and kind of terrifying…but before it could even solidify really within his mind, or before he could prepare himself at all, his idea came true.

She got down on her hands and knees and then, just like that, she was sucking on him, and just like that, he felt like a part of his mind had left him. Kind of like being inside of her before, being connected to her this way, inside her mouth---and in, and out, and in, and out, a kind of frightening fast-paced rhythm that she set---was just so hot and wet and shocking that he instantly felt everything spinning away from him, including reason and the ability to maintain normal functions…like standing. His legs were starting to shake. His hands were fisted, trying to keep himself even somewhat together. But his legs were shaking worse by the second…every second of this sweet agony…he could hear himself groaning out loud, unable to keep it from coming out of his mouth. And then…

Snap. The support his knees had formerly been giving left him, and he started to fall…but just like that, she was there, her hands under his arms, holding him up. He fought to catch his breath, fought against the pain of being this close to the edge, of needing to come, and leaned lightly against her.

"You’re strong," he whispered against her ear, surprised by the way she held him up so easily.

"So are you," she said simply, smirking before she leaned back, taking her hands away. "Stand there for a moment."

His legs were still shaking, but he managed to do as she said, standing there at the edge of the bed for as long as it took her to open one of the condoms, and then he stiffened, holding even more still as she unrolled the slick rubber slowly down his length, her hands gentle but unbearably warm.

"There…you okay?" she asked, glancing up at his face, at the look of strain there.

"Yeah…I just…"

"Can’t wait much longer," she said with a little laugh. "I can’t either. Here…"

She lay back on the bed, and he watched, a little confused, as she pulled one of his pillows over and, lifting her hips, put it under her butt, letting herself rest down against it.

"Come on," she said, gesturing for him to come closer, so he crawled onto the bed and moved over top of her as she indicated, settling in between her legs again.

She wrapped her arms around his back this time as he pressed into her, and he heard her whimper softly as he first moved into her body. He closed his eyes, this time focusing on every little sensation that moved through him as he sank deeper into her, and listening carefully to every little sound she made. When he was in as far as he could go, she breathed gently into his ear, tickling him, and then spoke.

"Lift my leg…over your shoulder," she said, moving her knee suggestively against his arm, and he opened his eyes to glance at her, not understanding, but carefully did as he was told, slowly so he wouldn’t hurt her. He moved her leg up along his side until it slid over his shoulder, her bent knee resting there, and he groaned at the result he felt as the tilted position provided by the pillow allowed him to slide slightly deeper.

"Now the other," she whispered, and he nodded, understanding now. He did the same with the other leg until both of her knees were over his shoulders, and was surprised to hear himself let out some kind of desperate cry at how much deeper into her body he went the next time he moved within her.

"I know you wanted to go deeper. You want to be a part of me," she murmured, her voice strained as she arched her back, responding to the depth of his strokes. "This is as deep as I’m willing to let you go…for now, Seiya."

He didn’t respond, unable to do anything but try to breathe as he found his rhythm.

There was a kind of beauty in this, he thought. Like his music, there definitely was a kind of beauty in this, in the breathless anticipation of it, in the work and strain it took as they moved together towards the end, as they pressed together towards oblivion.

*****

After it was over, it really was over…it turned out that that was his limit. Within moments of coming back down to Earth, he could feel his head spinning, this time not because of ecstasy but because of the simple, familiar feeling of exhaustion. After all, when was the last time he’d really slept? At first he struggled against it, partly because he didn’t feel like just going to sleep right there on top of her and partly because he was a bit afraid to go to sleep in the first place. What awaited him, behind his closed eyelids?

She stroked his hair and the back of his neck and murmured some kind of nonsense he didn’t really understand anymore---he was way too tired for language---until it just didn’t matter anymore. He slowly lay down, taking just enough care to shift to the side so he wasn’t completely crushing her, but he was still aware of her there, next to him, pressed to him, tangled with him…their legs were entwined, his head pillowed on her breasts, and her hands stayed in his hair until the very moment he lost track of consciousness.

He actually slept for most of that night, waking only a few times in confusion to the usual sensation of uncertainty about where he was, and even a bit of who he was, but it seemed easier to roll over and go back to sleep, once he reminded himself that the guest in his bed wasn’t someone entirely unfamiliar---she did give him a start a couple of times, at first. He’d *never* woken up to find a naked female in his bed, so it definitely counted as something outside of the routine, after all.

Luckily, none of these goings on seemed to disturb her---only a couple of times she seemed to stir a bit, murmuring something unintelligible before she rolled over, a couple of times clinging onto him in her sleep, as though he was some kind of stuffed animal. To his own surprise, he found he didn’t really mind this. It actually felt kind of good to be snuggled up against her warm, naked body under the covers like that.

It was pretty early in the morning, though, especially by the estimation of a guy who usually slept in until at least noon thanks to his late night/really early morning job, when she finally rolled over and cracked open a groggy green eye which instantly widened when she caught sight of the huge red numbers on his bedside radio clock.

"Kuso…I’m late," she said in a tone of sleepy annoyance as she started to roll out of the bed. It was the first time he’d ever heard her swear like that.

He reached out before he thought about it, and caught her wrist, holding her in place. She glanced back at him, lifting an eyebrow.

"Don’t go…stay with me." He hadn’t considered the words either; he didn’t even know where they came from. They just spilled out of him, and they sounded kind of desperate. He felt like the look on his face was probably like a small child’s, stubbornly begging for something.

"Seiya…I have to go. I’m going to be late for work," she said, the sleep in her voice fading into that usual unnerving, calm tone. She tried to pull her wrist out of his grip, but he tightened his fingers.

"Stay," he repeated quietly, dropping his eyes. What she had said…that she had to go, that it was because of her job…a part of him knew that he should accept that and just let her go without argument. But a stronger part of him was feeling like he needed her in this moment. "It’s because of you that I’m thinking like this…that I’m feeling this. You can’t go."

As soon as he finished speaking…something dangerous happened. Her eyes narrowed all the way to little slits of green fire, and she showed her true strength for only the second time as she snapped her wrist away from his grip with such ease that it was as though he was just a little baby holding onto an adult’s finger. Her mouth opened, and the second he caught sight of her curled lips he knew that he wasn’t going to like what came out of it.

"Fuzakenai de," she snapped, her voice so hard he flinched. "Your feelings and thoughts are your own, Seiya…you can’t *blame* someone else for them. It’s true that I owe you something, but if you’re suggesting it’s this…"

She glanced meaningfully between the two of them, sitting on his bed naked, one unused condom still sitting conspicuously on top of the covers. He felt his cheeks go hot red and dropped his eyes.

"…then you’re wrong," she hissed, her voice nearly shaking with the force of her anger. "I didn’t even intend for this to happen!"

She stomped to her feet and out of the room, leaving another one of those horrible silences behind, one of those silences that he couldn’t bear to sit in for more than about ten seconds. After about that length of time, he was on his feet and following her, not even bothering to grab any clothes on his way, forgetting all about his embarrassment.

"Hey…what…what’d you mean by that?" he said as he stood in the doorway of the living room, watching her get dressed in some kind of record time. She kind of looked like an angry cat, like her hair might stand on end at any moment.

When she didn’t speak, instead totally ignoring him, he got angry, frowning deeply.

"Hey, don’t ignore me…what the hell did you mean by that? ‘Cause if you didn’t want it…you can’t blame me…I asked if it was wrong! You said…"

"Oh for God’s sake Seiya, shut up!" she snapped, turning to him with that extremely pissed off look again, which shut him up even more quickly than her tone of voice. "Just shut up. I am going to work, because I have a life as well. You stay here and cool off."

"Cool off…but damn it…are you regretting it?" he almost shouted at her when he’d regained his voice. Now he was walking after her as she walked down the hall towards the front door; he couldn’t let her leave when it was like this, could he?

"Just leave it alone, Seiya," she said, turning around to give him a look that seemed really dangerous, so dangerous that he took a step back. She shook her head. "We’ll have to talk about this some time when both of us are in better moods."

And then she left, just like that, slamming the door behind herself. And honestly…he kind of wondered if he’d ever see her again, after all that. He really didn’t know what to think or feel, except a kind of emptiness---the emptiness he’d been afraid of; the reason he’d wanted her to stay---which slowly crumbled into a bitterness that seemed to eat away at his mind, bit by bit.

He spent the day alone in his apartment like that, thinking about what she’d said, and thinking about the concept of ‘intention’ and how it related to this kind of situation and how he really didn’t even understand that kind of thing. The more he thought, the more he became bitter. The more bitter he felt, the more frightened he became, and the more frightened he became, the more bitter he felt…a never-ending cycle of descent into a huge black cloud of misery. He decided not to eat; everything tasted too bitter.

That night at work---she wasn’t there, predictably enough---he played songs that spoke of bitterness and a kind of acidic sadness, and even if the audience didn’t seem too thrilled, he got a kind of sadistic enjoyment out of it. But the numbness didn’t come. Had she ruined that for him forever? If so, then maybe life was over.

He went home a little early because the bar was pretty empty; it was only half past midnight when he stepped into his apartment and turned on the lights. Gigantor greeted him like he usually did---by nipping madly around his ankles and yipping enough to probably wake a few neighbors before giving up and going back to sleep---and then he was back to feeling like he was alone in the world. Another half hour of sitting almost catatonic on the couch in front of some kind of mindless TV show trying not to think about anything, wary of the still tumbling tangle of bitterness in the back of his mind, and then he heard a knock on the door.

He opened it kind of expecting that somebody’s Chinese food delivery had come to the wrong apartment---that happened sometimes---but there she was, standing on the other side, wearing a pair of blue jeans and a white tank top underneath a denim jacket. It was still fashionable, but it was so damn casual that he couldn’t help but do a second double take at the clothes after he’d finished being surprised that she was even there.

"You going to make me stand out here all night?" she said a bit impatiently, stuffing her hands---those perfectly manicured hands---in her pockets as she lifted her eyebrows at him.

"Oh…no," he said, and he undid the chain and let her in. She came in and breezed past him as though she’d been visiting him for weeks, not like it was just her second visit here, and made her way into the living room. Without asking permission, she sat down on the couch and reached out to turn off the TV. He followed her into the room a bit confusedly, and with a frown on his face.

"Sit down," she said, gesturing to the spot next to herself on the couch. He took the offer before it could occur to him that it was strange for her to invite him to sit in his own living room. He sat a little farther from her than she’d indicated though.

She took one look at his face and leaned back against the couch, smiling slightly.

"So I leave for a whole day and not only do you not cool off, but you actually get madder…interesting. All right then…out with it, Seiya," she said, gesturing towards him with a delicate hand.

"What are you talking about?" he asked, frown deepening. "I’m fine."

"Seiya…you’re angry. Really angry," she said, pointing to his eyes in a way that really annoyed him. "You think I can’t see it? Now come on…let’s talk."

"What do you want to talk about?" he asked, folding his arms over his chest and leaning back against he couch.

She lifted an eyebrow, smiled as though she was amused by something, and lifted her legs up onto the couch, resting her own folded arms on her knees.

"You know, Seiya…I’m not going to go away. I’m not going to disappear; I’m not going to ‘be gone’. Until you talk, I’m not going anywhere," she said quietly, her voice conveying the same vague sense of amusement as the light twinkle in her bright green eyes. She seemed so different from that morning, and he felt the same; it was unnerving.

"What if I don’t want to talk to you? It’s my apartment…what if I want you to go?" he suggested, turning to her with a mild glare.

"Too bad…you don’t make the rules, tonight," she answered simply, eyes flickering faintly.

His frown twisted a bit.

"You always make the rules…will I ever get to make the rules?"

"Maybe…I’ll let you know," she said, a hint of laughter in her voice as she arched both eyebrows.

"And who decides all that…who gets to make the rules and everything?" he asked a bit suspiciously.

"I do," she said, finally offering him a smile. "That’s just the way it is…for now."

"Hmph," he grunted, crossing his arms more tightly over his chest and staring stubbornly at the black TV screen.

"You are a strange one though, Seiya, I must say," she commented, leaning her head back against the couch and looking at him with those maddeningly warm, amused eyes. "This morning you were angry because you didn’t want me to leave; now you’re angry because you want me to leave. You’re very fickle…did you know?"

"Maybe you made me that way," he said a bit roughly, keeping his focus on the nothingness that was on TV.

"Ah…I told you this morning, Seiya…that’s against the rules too," she said, wagging a slender finger at him: he could see it out of the corner of his eye. "You can’t blame me or anyone else for the way you feel and act."

He acknowledged that in silence with the slightest nod of his chin. On some level, he actually did recognize that as truth. But it really felt tempting to blame the fact that his life had suddenly spun wildly out of control---or so it felt to him---on her. She was certainly the trigger; that he knew for certain.

"So what did you mean, this morning?" It seemed like the right time to ask the question; it was finally there, on the tip of his tongue, waiting to be asked, instead of burning quietly in the bitterness in his stomach, making him sick. So she wouldn’t deflect the question and ask what he was talking about---she was so good at that---he clarified, "When you said you didn’t mean for this to happen…"

She was quiet for a few seconds and then she tilted her head and looked at him with a kind of frighteningly frank, honest look.

"What do you think I meant?" she murmured, sounding a bit curious.

"I don’t know…why do you think I’m asking?" he replied, annoyance creeping into his tone.

"Well, I meant exactly what I said," she said with a kind of innocent flutter of her eyelashes. "So what is it about it that bothers you?"

He felt the anger building in his gut again.

"Well, shit…that’s easy…I mean…that could mean so many things and how am I supposed to know what it means? I mean, do you mean that you’re regretting it after all? That you ever got involved with a person like me…"

"And what’s a person like you, exactly?" she said, lifting an eyebrow. "Unless, of course, I didn’t get involved with a person *like* you but rather actually *with* you…no, wait, that’s actually what happened, so that makes that an impossibility, doesn’t it."

"You know…just…" He shook his head, running a hand through his hair.

"Okay, okay…you talk. I’ll listen," she said with a slight smile. "I won’t interrupt again, I promise."

"You know what I meant," he said, frowning deeply again. "I’m not exactly…the easiest person to handle, and I know that. Most women don’t come near me, and when they do they back off pretty quickly. And sex…sex isn’t something I’ve ever had any luck with."

"Really? Your luck has improved," she remarked in an off-handed manner, and when he glared she lifted her hands. "Sorry…I know I promised. Continue."

"Or…I don’t know, was it just some kind of pity fuck that you let get too far and now you’re regretting that it ever happened, or…what!?" he finished, turning to her a bit pleadingly.

He wasn’t too surprised to see the look of irritation in her eyes, but he was surprised by the slight smile she offered him after a moment.

"Sometimes I really wish you remembered me better, Seiya," she said quietly, shifting position on the couch so she could cross her legs. "If you did remember me better, you wouldn’t have dared to say that, just now. Since you don’t remember the consequences of that kind of statement, I’ll let it pass, just this once."

"What kind of consequences?" he asked, feeling more curious than threatened, due to her calm, measured tone.

"Usually by now your face would have made an intimate acquaintance with the floor," she said, narrowing her eyes slightly, though the smile didn’t leave her face. It made her look vaguely frightening.

That made him smirk a bit.

"No offense, but you don’t look like you could do anything like that to me, Yaten," he said frankly.

She chuckled.

"Then that’s another memory for you to look forward to," she said with a wink. "I’ve slammed your ass into the ground more times than you could count with all your body parts combined. Of course, you’ve done the same in return a few times…but only a few."

She said the last with another small wink, and he couldn’t help but laugh a bit.

"Exactly…what kind of relationship did we have?" he asked, giving her an odd look.

She smiled, having anticipated that question. She pulled up her knees again and leaned her chin on them.

"We grew up together," she said, and he blinked at that, surprised. "We trained together."

"Trained…as in martial arts and stuff?" he said, extrapolating from her previous statements.

"That sort of thing, yeah," she said with a nod. "You and I are long-time sparring partners. Ever since we were small children, we’ve always wrestled and played."

He thought about that for a second.

"So our bodies were used to each other…" he mused out loud after a moment, then felt himself blush slightly.

"Mm," she said with a soft smile. "You felt that way too?"

"Our bodies…seemed to fit well together, just to come together naturally without much work," he said quietly, dropping his eyes because of his embarrassment at saying something like this out loud. "I expected it to be way more awkward."

"Mmhm," she murmured, nodding her agreement. He turned to glance at her after a moment, and when he noticed the faint pink blush on her cheeks, he was reminded of his original concern.

"So what did you mean, then…? If it wasn’t any of what I said earlier…why did you say you didn’t mean for it to happen?"

She closed her eyes briefly, then looked at him openly.

"Like I said, I meant just what I said," she said, her voice slowly taking on its usual calm tone, losing its previous warmth. "I didn’t mean to have sex with you. I came here to regain your friendship, and to offer you my help. I didn’t mean for it to come to this."

"But what does that mean?" he asked, frowning slightly again.

"It means that…" She stopped and sighed, running a hand through her hair. "Oh, Seiya…look at how you’ve reacted to me so far. You know you’re fragile, that your mind and your memories are unstable…you admit it. Everything I’ve said to you has sent you into these fits of confusion and angst. I want this to be as simple for you as it can be…I really want you to be able to regain what you’ve lost, like I was saying a couple of days ago. I didn’t want to confuse things, to confuse *you*, by adding this into the mix."

"But…but don’t you think I should have a say in that?" he asked, frowning a bit more deeply as he stared at her.

"Seiya…think of how you’ve felt since last night…think of the confusion, the thoughts spinning away from you…the doubts and the bitterness and the helplessness," she said gently. "Would you really choose that? That’s what I wanted to avoid. You can’t deny that this…has complicated things."

He was silent to that, mainly because it was absolutely true and though he wanted to argue against her, he had nothing good to say in return.

After a few moments spent in a kind of shell-shocked silence, he spoke again, his voice little more than a whisper this time.

"Then why…?" he asked. "If you had already decided all of this…then why did you…?"

She took so long to answer that he turned to look at her, to see if it looked like she would answer. She had closed her eyes, and when she opened them to look at him, he was totally shocked to see the shimmer against the green. She was on the verge of tears.

"I had decided, yes," she said, her voice quivering and soft. "But sometimes it doesn’t work out the way we plan it. Last night, in that moment, I lost myself…just as much as you lost yourself, I lost myself."

She hugged herself, rubbing her shoulders as though she was cold, and shook her head.

"All this time…I knew how much I missed you. I knew it would hurt to see you again," she whispered, a few tears finally breaking free and rolling down her pale cheeks. "But I had never considered how much it would hurt. In that moment I finally realized how much I’ve needed you…how much I…need you. You wanted to touch me…I needed to be touched…I couldn’t stop myself. Or perhaps I didn’t try. But…I needed you."

She closed her eyes and sat there, arms tightly holding herself, shaking in silence, the tears drying on her cheeks. And he sat there, shocked so badly that he couldn’t speak or move.

Need…? She…needed him? But why? Talk about concepts he couldn’t begin to comprehend.

"Yaten…" he said after a few minutes, a bit hoarsely.

"Mm?" she murmured, without looking up.

"Will you…stay with me tonight?"

"Seiya…" she began, hesitantly, keeping her eyes closed.

"Not like that. Just…sleep. I want you to hold me like last night," he said quietly, and then he took a deep breath. "I…want to hold you."

She smiled softly as she opened her eyes and glanced at him, then nodded.

"Yes…I’ll stay," she said, and a few moments later, hand in hand, they went to bed, and they slept together for the first time, snuggled together comfortably in his bed, like real lovers.

*****

END PART FIVE